ASYLUM TILES
by disturbed-girl
Summary: Duo is placed in an institution and the pilots are forced to reunite. It becomes clear that Duo is not the only one who needs help.
1. PROLOGUE

Notes: Real short fic that popped into my head, so I just typed it up. It's about Duo being admitted into an institution and how he sees it as pointless. I could actually make it a long story, but honestly I just want to keep it short and sweet, that and I don't feel like writing a long story at the moment. So, here it is. Oh, by the way, I think I'll be posting another short story soon. Reviews, as always, are greatly appreciated.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters.  
  
ASYLUM TILES  
  
He laid on the small single bed, looking up at the tiled ceiling with his hands behind his head. He sighed out of boredom and closed his eyes. When he heard the door he opened his one eye and glanced to the side to see who was there.  
  
Ah, Dr. Mills.  
  
Uninterested in the doctor's presence he closed his eye.  
  
"Mr. Maxwell?" The doctor's shoes clicked against the tile floor as they made their way to Duo's bedside. "Mr. Maxwell?" He said again, this time with more force.  
  
Duo raised his eyebrows, but kept his eyes shut. "Yes?"  
  
Dr. Mills sighed in annoyance while he took out a pen from his front coat pocket. "We have a session." Duo opened his eyes, removed his hands from behind his head and sat up on his elbows.  
  
"Really? Time flies in here, doesn't it? Oh, I'm sorry, my bad, that's only for the people in here who actually believe that they can fly." He flashed Dr. Mills a grin.  
  
Dr. Mills lightly smiled while he shook his head back and forth. "That kind of attitude won't do you any good."  
  
Duo released a short laugh. "Really? It's saved my life quite a few times."  
  
This boy certainly was exasperating. Dr. Mills turned and dragged a chair over to the side of the bed. The chair's legs resisted against the floor, resulting in an odd screeching noise. "Mr. Maxwell, I heard you had night terrors again two nights ago."  
  
Duo rolled his neck to the one side, causing popping noises, like the sound of popcorn kernels in a microwave, to fill the silence instead of his response.  
  
"Duo?" Duo turned and looked at Dr. Mills.  
  
"If you want to call them that."  
  
"What would you call them then?" Dr. Mills crossed his arms as he asked the question, trying to assure his authority.  
  
Duo starred hard into the man's eyes. Dr. Mills fought the urge to shiver as the boy glared at him. His eyes were like those of a wolf, watching, learning, waiting, and Dr. Mills was the prey.  
  
"Memories." Duo finally said then looked away. Dr. Mills placed his clipboard on his lap and scribbled a few notes on it. When he was done he looked up to see Duo lying back down on the bed, starring up at the ceiling.  
  
"Would you like to talk about them?"  
  
Duo snorted. "Sure Doc, and I'd also like to cut my arm off."  
  
"Duo." Duo recognized the stern tone.  
  
"Look, why talk or think about it when I don't have to? It doesn't make any sense. So, if you don't mind, please leave now. I'd like to get back to counting the ceiling tiles."  
  
"Look kid" he softly said as he touched Duo's leg gently, "I'm only trying to help, but you have to let me in to help you. Obviously your friends think you need help, they did admit you here. So let me help you." Duo scooted back up onto his elbows and looked at him.  
  
"What, you think you can cure me? Well I got news for you buddy; you can't, because there's nothing to cure. Everything I see is real, you know why? Because it all happened. I was there when it happened, and I was the cause of all of it. So you can't fix what's in my head, unless you want to fill it with lies, and I don't want that. I want the truth, I want the images, I want the pain, because I deserve it all, because I'm the cause of it all."  
  
Dr. Mills cleared his throat, trying unsuccessfully to think of a response. When a nurse lightly knocked on the open door he warmly welcomed her.  
  
"Your assistance is needed in room 210, Dr. Mills."  
  
"Yes, thank you." He rose from the chair, with his clipboard and pen in hand like a shield. He looked down at Duo, who contently starred back at him. "We'll continue this later."  
  
"I'm sure we will."  
  
Dr. Mills dragged the chair back over to the wall that it had leaned on earlier and went for the door. He looked back at Duo before he left the room. He had his hands behind his head again, and his eyes concentrated on the plain white ceiling tiles. Dr. Mills quickly turned and left the room, leaving the boy to count his tiles, and fighting back the urge to run in a corner and hide from him. 


	2. CHAPTER ONE

Notes: Okay, I guess I really didn't make it clear that I hadn't intended to add anymore, that that was the story and nothing more to it. Sorry, my bad. But the more I thought about it I figured why not make it into a story, not just a one shot fic. Unfortunately at the moment my time is pretty much booked up, so I'll update as often as possible. My apologies in advance for infrequent updates and most likely short chapters. But the story will be finished (I'm a stickler for completing stories). Okay then, on with chapter one. As always reviews help and are appreciated.  
  
Warning: A lot of swearing.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters.  
  
CHAPTER ONE  
  
Dr. Mills sat at his desk; a blanket of papers covering it, while he burned the midnight oil. His one hand held a pen, which he rhythmically tapped on the desk unknowingly, while his other held up his head. He leaned over the papers from within his chair, his long legs cramped underneath the desk. He was at the beginning of his fifties, and barely hanging onto the few black hairs being taken over by the grays.  
  
He flipped open another file, with what seemed to be discontent. From behind thin wired glasses, which were slowly scooting their way down to the tip of his nose, he studied the document.  
  
Patient: Maxwell, Duo (Real name unknown)  
  
Birth: Unknown  
  
Parents: Unknown  
  
With an aggravated sigh he pushed away form the desk, the wheels of his chair, annoyed with him, squealed as they scooted across the matted carpet. He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes with his hands.  
  
"Unknown, unknown, unknown." He mumbled to himself as he reclined his chair back. He dragged his hands away from his face, pulling down the skin below his eyes, causing the few wrinkles to smooth out, and sighed again. "The only information we have on this kid is what I got from his friends, and even that's limited. No one seems to know much about him, not even himself."  
  
He knew he was the ex pilot 02, and also knew who his friends were, and what they did during the war as well. All of this of course was told to him under the strictest code of confidentiality. Quatre Rabbaba Winner was the one paying for Duo Maxwell's stay and treatment. He was the only one who could afford such a thing. The Reeves Institution was definitely not for your average person. Only the elite were able to afford such a place, and it showed. Every nook and cranny of the place was polished and furnished with the best of the best. And the best of the best also included the doctors.  
  
He brought his chair back up and grabbed the folder. He scanned it over again with the slightest bit of hope that maybe this time the document would have some more information, and more answers to the several questions that were looming in his head.  
  
--------------------------  
  
Heero walked into the well-furnished room. It was empty except for the few chairs, each perfectly positioned with much thought, and end tables with large arrangements of flowers in expensive vases on them, that filled the room. Large bay windows lined the walls, allowing the rays of light and warmth to fill the area.  
  
His eyes finally rested on one of the windows that looked out onto the hundreds of plain acres of grass that surrounded the building on all sides. Duo sat on the small bench that outlined the window. His back leaned up against the warm light yellow painted wall. His one leg was brought up to his chest and his arms wrapped around it, while the other leg hung over the side of the seat. He was staring out of the window, which lightly reflected the image of his pale face back at him. Heero crossed the room to him.  
  
Duo watched as Heero's reflection came closer then stopped right behind him. He ignored it and continued to look at the vacant land before him. The land was so cold, empty, and alone. Just like him.  
  
Heero sighed; knowing that Duo was ignoring him. I can be just as stubborn as you can, if that's the way you want it.  
  
Duo watched Heero's reflection as he crisply folded his arms across his chest. He closed his eyes and released an audible sigh. "What?" He reopened them and looked at Heero's reflection besides his.  
  
Heero took the question as an opening and sat down across from Duo in the small amount of space that was left. His back was up against the wall while his one leg, like Duo's, hung over the side of the bench, and his other leaned against the window's smooth glass. He starred at Duo, who continued to look out of the window.  
  
"How are you?" Duo dropped his head down and lightly laughed. He raised it while shaking it and looked at Heero, finally for the first time.  
  
"You've got to be kidding me?" He said with a slight smile. Heero narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Duo, you need help. We all agreed on it, that's why you're here." Duo's slight smile disappeared as his eyes sharply looked at Heero.  
  
"I need help?" His voice was low and unfamiliar to Heero. "I'm the only fucking one," he spat the words out like they were poison, "that needs help?" Heero shook his head.  
  
"Duo, listen-" Duo stood up and cut him off.  
  
"No Yuy, you listen. We're all fucking messed up in the head. It's not just me! Every one of us has problems damn it! I'm not the only fucking one!" Heero stood up and grabbed a hold of Duo's arm. He yanked Duo towards him until their bodies were pressed against each other. Roughly he pulled back Duo's plain navy blue sleeve, revealing bandages around his wrists, and raised his arm.  
  
"This is why you're here. This!" He shook Duo's arm hard. "You fucking tried to kill yourself." Duo snatched his arm away, like a stretched bungie cord being released, and pulled his sleeve back down. He took a step away from Heero.  
  
"Fuck you Yuy! Fuck you!" By now the two had brought attention to themselves and had staff stumbling around. Two men approached Duo and went to grab his arms. Duo didn't fight them off; he just stared at Heero.  
  
Heero couldn't stand the pained look on Duo's face. He looked as if someone had just jabbed a rusted knife into his chest, and hadn't he? He had never seen him like that, and what hurt the most was that he was the one that had caused it.  
  
He moved to stop the men as they grabbed a hold of Duo's arms. "No, stop. We're fine." The two men looked at each other then back at Heero. They knew who he was, and weren't about to argue with him. The one man cleared his throat.  
  
"You're sure?" Heero nodded his head and the men released Duo's arms and walked over to a corner of the room, making sure not to go too far.  
  
Duo looked to his side, away from Heero. "Look, I'm tired. I'll see you later." He turned and walked down the gleaming marble floor towards his room.  
  
Heero watched as his friend walked away form him. For the first time he felt the need to run after someone, and it was him. He stayed still though, watching Duo, in his plaid pajama pants and long-sleeved shirt, as he increased the gap between them, and it was one of the hardest things that he had ever done. 


	3. CHAPTER TWO

Notes: Thank you sooo much for all of the wonderful reviews! They really helped me to get this next chapter up. I finished with this chapter a lot sooner than I had thought I would. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up though. That's partly because you guys know as much as I do at this point, meaning I'm really not sure exactly where I'm going with this yet. I have some ideas, but I have yet to decide the ending. Well anyway, thanks again for the reviews and I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters. Dr. Mills was created by me.  
  
CHAPTER TWO  
  
Heero stood in front of the sink, his hands filled with soap sods as he washed out the bowl that he had used. As he began to rinse the small bowl the phone let out one ring then clicked to the answering machine. There was no 'hi, you've reached,' or 'leave a message.' There was just silence, no recording, then a simple short and efficient beep to signal to the person, if they still were there, to leave their message. A sigh came through the speaker.  
  
"It's me Heero." Heero grabbed the fraying hand towel lying on the counter and rubbed his hands dry with it. He left the kitchen and walked to the small end table beside the faded blue loveseat. Pressing one of the several small buttons located on the phone he opened the connection between him and Quatre.  
  
"Yes?" He walked back into the kitchen, leaving Quatre on speakerphone.  
  
On the other end of the line Quatre rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger. He knew his eyes would feel so much better if he could only pop them out and be done with them. Knowing that it wasn't at all possible he removed his hands and just closed them.  
  
"How is he?" He leaned his head back so that it rested on the well- cushioned leather seat's headrest. He waited for Heero's reply, knowing that it would come, eventually. He had gotten used to dealing with him on the phone, which wasn't easily done. Heero wouldn't even have a phone had it not been for him giving it to him and ordering him to hook it up. Stubborn-  
  
"Not well." Heero cut Quatre's thought off. He finished drying the bowl and placed it in its designated spot in the cupboard.  
  
Quatre sat up in his chair and stared at the phone. "Well, that's why he's there, to get better." He attempted to sound hopeful and cheery, but then gave up by releasing a small sigh that most wouldn't catch, but Heero did. "I'm sorry I'm not there. I hate having you deal with all of it. I mean you've been through so much now, you were the one to find him." He paused.  
  
I quick flash, like looking outside a car window while passing by telephone poles, of Duo laying in the bathtub with blood covering him ran through Heero's mind. He ran his hand through his thick mane of hair.  
  
"No Quatre, you're doing enough." Quatre grabbed the slick silver pen that lay on his desk and twirled it through his fingers.  
  
"Picking up the bill isn't enough, you have to be there for the meal." He placed the pen back down. "Look, I'll be there as soon as I can get through these meetings and rearrange the others."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"I'll call you tomorrow then." He waited, knowing Heero wouldn't say goodbye, and it was confirmed when the dial tone came through his receiver. He shook his head and went back to trying to rearrange his schedule.  
  
Heero pressed the button, cutting off their connection. He glanced around the small apartment that he and Duo had been sharing for the past few months. He shook his head and walked down the short hallway to his room.  
  
----------------------------  
  
Duo sat sideways on the plush chair. His back was against the one armrest and his one leg hung over the other, while his other leg was curled up underneath him. He was comfortable sitting in the chair, but wasn't comfortable with the reason for being in it. Dr. Mills sat across from him in a high back dark green leather chair.  
  
Duo bobbed his hanging foot up and down, waiting for the man to speak. He sure as hell had nothing to say to him, so if he expected him to start, then he'd have to rethink his method over.  
  
Dr. Mills looked at the boy across from him wearing a long sleeved white v- neck shirt and red and blue plaid pajama pants. One thing he'd learned so far about Duo was that he couldn't take silence. He always filled it, be it a joke, a laugh, or a sarcastic remark, the kid filled the empty void. So he sat waiting, learning, and seeing how long it'd take.  
  
Duo shifted in the chair that was becoming entirely too uncomfortable. He brought his arm up and rested it on the chair's arm; his head leaned up against his knuckles. "Quatre's not getting his moneys worth." He mumbled.  
  
Dr. Mills leaned forward a bit. "Oh really, how so?"  
  
Duo sighed and repositioned himself again. Question number one, joy. "You're just sitting there." He motioned to him. "I mean, I've seen enough movies to know that you're suppose to be interrogating me now, trying to get me to pour my emotions and life story out. Well don't bring the mop out yet Doc, because it ain't happening." Dr. Mills cracked a smile.  
  
"Oh, so that's how it works." He raised his arms and motioned around the large room with certificates and plaques wallpapering the walls. "Then I must have been doing it wrong this entire time. Thank you for clearing that up."  
  
"Glad I could help." Duo swung his leg down from the armrest and placed it on the soft floral rug.  
  
Dr. Mills watched him as his face changed. Instead of the boy bored out of his mind, he now saw a happy guy, content with the world. Amazing. He had seen masks before, they were all like Halloween masks though, ones you took your time putting on and taking off, this, this one only took a flicker of a moment. And it wasn't just his face that changed. You could sense the change in him, like his knew feeling was seeping out of him. The thought of split personalities popped into his mind. Still too early to decide that.  
  
"Well, since I'm the one that's helped I think Quatre deserves a refund." He placed his other foot on the ground and rose out of the chair.  
  
"Sit Mr. Maxwell." He said it calmly, not an order or a plead, just a simple suggestion. Duo released a sigh and fell back into the chair. Not wanting to look at Dr. Mills his eyes scanned the room.  
  
Dr. Mills noticed him looking at the large soccer trophy he had won during his college days. He got up from his chair and walked over to the shelf that it sat on and took a hold of it by one hand and brought it to Duo. He held it out to him, and he took it, not knowing what else to do.  
  
Duo held it with both hands. It had caught his eye just because he hadn't pictured the Doc as a jock, but that was all. He didn't want to look at it or hold it or anything like that. Not wanting to be rude he glanced it over.  
  
"I played sweeper." Dr. Mills leaned up against his desk with his arms crossed as he looked at Duo. "I miss thoughs days."  
  
Great, time for a stroll down memory lane. Duo rested the trophy on his one knee.  
  
"It was a hell of a sport, and a hell of a lot of fun." He lifted his eyes from the trophy and looked at Duo. "Have you ever played any sports." He asked casually.  
  
Duo shrugged his shoulders. "Not really. Here and there for school, but nothing serious." Dr. Mills walked over to him and removed his proud memory from his knee.  
  
"That's a shame. Just when school required it then? You never even got together with some friends and played for the fun of it?"  
  
Duo lightly tugged at the end of his braid, which fell over his shoulder. He knew where this was going. "No. Never had the urge or the time." Or the friends.  
  
Dr. Mills placed the trophy back on the shelf, knowing exactly where it went due to the ring that was surrounded by dust, and inwardly sighed. Gees, this kid was like cracking open a safe. You had to be meticulous and delicate, for he was hard to open, and full of secrets, and if done wrong he was sure sirens would go off and a guard dog would bit him on the ass.  
  
"Look Duo," he turned to him, "you're smart, correction you're IQ goes through the roof, so you know I'm probing around right now" he scratched the back of his head, "so why don't you help me out a little bit. Or would you rather I directly ask the questions?"  
  
Duo held Dr. Mills' eye contact. "You're right, I do know what you're doing. And I also know that you've taken several mental notes on me already." He let go of his braid and crossed his arms. "Look, you're gonna have to work hard to get me to talk, but I'm going to have to work even harder to open up, that's to say if I even decide to." Duo raised his one eyebrow slightly. "So don't expect much."  
  
Dr. Mills crossed his arms, imaging Duo. "Okay, but realize this is all to help you, not hurt you."  
  
Duo gave a lopsided grin. "That's still debatable." 


	4. CHAPTER THREE

Notes: Happy Halloween! Actually, it's well past midnight, so technically it's not Halloween anymore, oh well. Real short chapter, sorry, but it's better than nothing, no? Thanks to those who reviewed. Umm, no warnings. This chapter shortly deals with Solo, so for those of you who are asking who? Read the novelization version of Duo Episode Zero. For those who have read it, I don't follow it exactly; so don't be confused or think 'that's not right.' Uh, I guess that's about it. Please read and review, thanks!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing.  
  
CHAPTER THREE  
  
"Trowa? Trowa, can you hear me? You're not coming in clearly? What colony are you on?" Quatre shouted the questions through the deafening static that paused every so often to allow two and a half words of Trowa's to escape. Quatre stood up and leaned over his desk to talk, shout, directly into the receiver.  
  
"Quatre, is that you? Hello?" Trowa walked out of the trailer area and headed towards the small area of mats cleared for the gymnasts to practice outdoors on.  
  
"Trowa----I'm------he's--- not doing so well." Trowa stopped, standing completely still, finally able to hear Quatre. He didn't dare move, afraid he'd break the unsteady connection.  
  
"What? What's going on?" Quatre sighed in relief as Trowa finally came in clearly without the unbearable static taking over anymore.  
  
"Trowa, I'm glad I was able to get a hold of you. Where are you?"  
  
Trowa glanced around him. People in eccentric costumes bustled around while animals restlessly ran about and called out to one another. An exotic looking woman, wearing gold sequence and green feathers, walked passed him. She laughed as she passed by then gave him a smile and a wave and continued on, four penguins wearing top hats waddling after her.  
  
"Colony 0032, no, wait, colony 0023." Trowa corrected himself. How anyone was expected to remember so many numbers was beyond him, and considering his background he was far better at it then everyone else was. Traveling so much with the circus didn't help the matter much either though.  
  
Quatre sorted through the maps in his mind and estimated about where Trowa was. He wanted to ask him how he was, catch up and all. It had been close to a year since they had last spoke, and close to two years since they last saw each other. But fearful that the connection wouldn't last he had to skip the small reunion over phone and get to the main point for his call.  
  
"I called to let you know that Duo isn't doing very well. Heero had to enter him into an institution," he paused briefly "Trowa, he tried to kill himself."  
  
"When?"  
  
Quatre scratched the back of his neck. "A few weeks back. I don't know if it is at all possible, I understand if it's not, believe me I know how busy we all are, but-"  
  
"Where's he at?" Trowa cut him off, knowing what his question was.  
  
"Colony 054."  
  
Trowa ran the touring schedule through his head and figured out the soonest and best time he could visit. "I can be there next week. I'm not sure how long I can stay though."  
  
"No, that's fine. It's just that I think it would be good for him if he could see us all for a little bit. You know, let him know we're all still there for him, even if we haven't all been together for over two years."  
  
Trowa sensed the sadness in the last statement. He felt a tinge of guilt but it wasn't his fault, all of them had been busy following the war. Busy trying to rebuild their lives, accept the past, and move on. Obviously some more successful than others.  
  
"I'll give you a call once I finalize everything."  
  
"Okay. Talk to you soon. Take care." Quatre added before ending the transmission.  
  
You too. Trowa thought as he brought his phone down and finally placed his left foot on the ground, his right tired from balancing on it.  
  
-------------------------------  
  
He stood paralyzed in the entranceway of the alley. His muscles were so tight it felt like they would all snap and he'd fall like a puddle of melted wax to the littered pavement. Strewn about the alley were the lifeless bodies of his gang. His friends. Underneath the smudges of dirt and grime their faces were white, giving the resemblance of melting soiled snow on the side of the road. He tore his eyes away from the horrifying sight as he dry heaved due to not having eaten in two days.  
  
Shacking, he straightened himself and walked into the catacomb, each step forced and unsteady.  
  
He didn't make it. He didn't get there in time, and now they were all dead. He had let them die. A gasp for air had him looking down. Solo.  
  
He fell to his knees and lifted him up, cradling him in his arms. The tears came then, breaking through the invisible dam that he had worked so hard to build.  
  
"Solo?" Shakily he whispered the boy's name.  
  
Solo's eyes shot open, revealing the color red. They were a dark demonic red lacking pupils. Just as quickly as his eyes had opened, his arms reached out and latched around Duo's neck. He violently began to shake him.  
  
"You! You killed us! It's your fault!"  
  
Duo couldn't move. "No! No! NO!"  
  
"Hold onto him! Hold his arms and legs down damn it!" The nurse shouted as she readied the needle to slid it into Duo's arm. Duo fought against them, his strength unbelievable, as he screamed 'no' continuously.  
  
Dr. Mills ran into the crowded room. Six people fought to hold the boy down to his bed as the nurse finally punctured his arm. Duo convulsed but his strength began to leave him until finally he lay lifeless, covered in sweat, on his bed. Grumbles, sighs of relief, and moans from those who now had good-sized bruises covering them, filled the room as they shuffled out.  
  
Dr. Mills remained in the room alone with the boy. He walked over to the side of the bed and looked down at him. His hair, drenched, stuck to his face, and with each breath he took his chest slowed its rising until finally he subtly and slowly breathed. Dr. Mills furrowed his brow as he saw the boy's face. Instead of looking at ease, it had a pained expression on it.  
  
"What?" He quietly asked, just above a whisper. "What has such a hold on you, and how can I break you free from it?" 


	5. CHAPTER FOUR

Hey guys! So sorry for the long wait. If anyone would like to be e-mailed when I update just let me know and I'll be glad to do it. Special thanks to Freefall and aka-kitsune-chan for all of the wonderful reviews. You guys are my number one fans! Hugs to you guys. Well here you go, hope you enjoy!  
  
CHAPTER FOUR  
  
Duo tapped on the partially opened door with his knuckles before he slid into Dr. Mills' office. He glanced around the room, expecting to see the doctor at his desk, looming over files and records. More than once the thought of breaking into the office and the file cabinet had crossed Duo's mind. And he could do it without a problem, heck, he could do it in his sleep, but something stopped him from acting on it.  
  
Sure he was curious to see what the Doc had on him, how many ludicrous theories he was developing, but the other part of him didn't want to know, because he knew the Doc was more clever than he'd like to give him credit for, so most likely the guy was partially right in whatever he claimed in the files so neatly labeled 'Maxwell'. And he wasn't ready to see his true self, he knew who he was, but as far as he was concerned no one else did, and that was the way he wanted to keep it, that's what he wanted to believe.  
  
He wanted to believe his problems, past, and life was his own, hidden from all else, locked away. But lately his lock was growing rusty, sure it made it harder to fit the key in, but it also hurt more with each twist. He was aware his secretes were slipping out. He was just going to have to avoid the locksmith, Dr. Mills, who for some unknown reason was not in his office.  
  
Dr. Mills pushed the door open and peered in to see Duo with his back to him, standing in the center of his office with his arms folded across his chest. He silently stepped into the room and Duo whipped around, on guard. His fists weren't raised, they were clenched at his sides, but Dr. Mills saw it in his eyes, the quick flash of readiness, readiness to fight and kill if necessary.  
  
Duo quickly unclenched his fists seeing that he was ready to pounce on the Doc. Embarrassed and mad at himself for still going back to that mode so easily, Duo ran his fingers through his bangs. But hell, he lived his entire life like that; he wasn't going to be able to change his natural instincts so quickly, if ever.  
  
Dr. Mills, unfazed, motioned for Duo to follow him. "Come on, we're doing this somewhere else."  
  
Duo raised his eyebrows and shoved his hands into his jean pockets and leaned back on his heals. "What are you up to?" He noted the doctor's casual clothing, instead of the usually khakis and dress shirt, he wore a pair of faded painter jeans and a long sleeved green shirt with the number twelve in gold written on it.  
  
"You'll just have to wait in great suspense." He said jokingly and then turned and left the room, Duo noting the backpack slung over his shoulder.  
  
Duo shrugged his shoulders. Whatever, it made no difference to him. He followed Dr. Mills, his hands still shoved in his pockets, and he felt the familiar and comforting sway of his braid against his back.  
  
----------------------------  
  
The Doc led them outside; neither spoke during their walk to wherever it was he was leading them. After a few minutes of walking through the open field he stopped at one of the few trees that decorated the vacant land.  
  
Duo sucked in the fresh air that had a tinge of death in it from the decaying leaves as well as that faint scent that all colonies carried, like the smell of something fresh out of plastic wrap. A few breezes swirled by, toying with the tip of his braid and catching the leaves, forcing them into a dance. It was good to be outside, he needed it after being confined in that huge box for a good six weeks. He turned his head and glanced back at it, they were a good mile and a half away from it. The further the better.  
  
He glanced back at Dr. Mills, who was squatting down and getting stuff out of his bag. He cocked his head to the side, trying to see just what the man was up to.  
  
"Aren't you breaking some kind of great law by bringing me out here. I mean, aren't I labeled as 'dangerous and a great risk to people'?" He asked in a mocking tone. Dr. Mills didn't bother to turn and face him. After a moment he rose, his back still to Duo, and his knees released a few popping noises in complaint.  
  
He tossed a baseball behind his back at Duo. Dr. Mills turned around to see the boy staring at the ball he caught curiously, with a slight frown on his face.  
  
"Here." Duo looked up as a baseball glove was tossed to him. He caught it with his other hand and stood there, ball in one hand and mitt in the other.  
  
Dr. Mills slid his own worn mitt on and wiggled his fingers in it, getting them to fit in the worn grooves just right, then he began to punch his other hand into the palm of the mitt. He nodded his head towards the mitt in Duo's hand. "Come on."  
  
Duo tucked his tongue in the side of his cheek, glanced at him, and then back at the mitt before he tugged it on over his hand.  
  
"Go on and take a few steps back." Dr. Mills said as he took a couple of steps back himself. Duo listened to him and stopped when they stood a good distance away from each other. Dr. Mills raised his glove and Duo took it as a sign for him to throw the ball at it, so he did.  
  
The two tossed the ball back and forth in silence for a while until Dr. Mills broke it.  
  
"That's my son's mitt you got there." His words were carried to Duo by the wind. Duo caught the ball and threw it back to him.  
  
"Where's he now?"  
  
Dr. Mills put a little more force behind the ball in his throw. "Off at college. I don't really hear from him a lot anymore." The ball continued to be thrown back and forth and they automatically developed a rhythm with it when they talked, only speaking while throwing the ball, and only responding to a question when catching the ball. Nothing was ever said while the ball was in the air between the two of them.  
  
"Do you plan to go to college?"  
  
"Already been, well, to a few classes." Dr. Mills arched his eyebrows.  
  
"Really? What classes?"  
  
Duo shrugged and waited for the ball. "Whatever was available that fit my 'work' schedule." He put emphasis on the word 'work' and Dr. Mills understood what he meant by it.  
  
"So no interest in going there for a major or anything?"  
  
Duo caught the ball, the mitt muffling the sound of its impact. "No." He didn't feel like talking about school so he decided to take a risk and change the subject to the first thing that popped into his head. "I once knew this kid," Dr. Mills' ears tuned in "Danny. He loved baseball. He'd always want to play it. He carried a ball around with him everywhere." He released a small laugh. "Short little guy."  
  
"Oh yeah, where's he now?"  
  
"A ditch on colony L2." Duo said casually as he threw the ball and Dr. Mills caught it and felt the sting from it.  
  
"Colony L2, did you live their most of your life?" He decided to venture in and ask the question that would hopefully lead to more questions and answers.  
  
"Umm, I know I was there for at least five years. I might have lived there longer. The minds not too clear on the first five years of my life. I started training to be a pilot when I was about ten." Short childhood, Dr. Mills thought. "Hey, my arms getting tired, do you mind if we stop?"  
  
"That's fine." Duo tossed him the ball and he caught it and put it and his glove back into the bag. Duo walked over to him and handed him his glove and decided to speak no more, for he had already said too much. 


	6. CHAPTER FIVE

Hello! Once again, sorry for the wait. There probably will not be another update until January. With the holiday season, finals, and work, I doubt I'll have anytime to update. So happy holidays to everyone! Thanks again for the reviews! I really appreciate them. Well, I guess I'll be talking to you guys in January.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.  
  
CHAPTER FIVE  
  
"Good to see you Mr. Yuy." Dr. Mills welcomed Heero as he entered his office. He would have risen from behind his desk and given Heero his hand, but he'd learned from their first encounter that Heero Yuy was not comfortable with physical contact.  
  
Heero gave a short nod as his hello and took a seat in one of the chairs before Dr. Mill's desk. Dr. Mills recognized that there would be no pleasant talk, that he was to get to the matter at hand. He opened his file on Duo even though it wasn't necessary. He knew what he had to say about his patient, but it gave him something to look at other than the young man sitting before him.  
  
"Mr. Maxwell-"  
  
Heero uncomfortably listened as Dr. Mills did an overview of Duo's sessions. It felt so wrong to be sitting there and talking about Duo. They weren't speaking of his battle strategies, missions, or anything else he could identify Duo with. They were speaking about things he knew, but never spoke of. He was breaking a silent vow that he and Duo had made, which was not to look into the past. And here he sat, paying, well partially paying, for this man to pry into Duo and dissect him.  
  
"I've come to the realization that-" Dr. Mills stopped and looked up at the closed door as a light knock echoed through it. "Yes?" The door opened and a short blonde, followed by a tall young man, entered the room. Dr. Mills immediately recognized the blonde as Mr. Winner and warmly welcomed him and his follower in.  
  
Quatre shyly smiled. "We're sorry to interrupt." Dr. Mills stood up as the two crossed the room and accepted Quatre's extended hand. "Good to see you Dr. Mills." Quatre said with a friendly smile. He motioned to the young man beside him. "This is Trowa Barton."  
  
Dr. Mills nodded his head at him, immediately recognizing his name. Trowa nodded back and Dr. Mills looked at Quatre once again as the boy began to speak.  
  
Trowa turned around and looked at the sitting Heero. Silently he left Quatre's side and sat in the empty chair beside him. "Heero." He nodded his head and almost smiled but stopped himself.  
  
"Trowa." Heero exchanged the hello.  
  
Quatre finished his friendly chitchat with Dr. Mills and the doctor directed him to where another chair was in the room. Quatre thanked him and went for the chair and carried it back to where Heero and Trowa sat. He placed the chair on the other side of Heero and sat down in it after gripping Heero's shoulder briefly.  
  
"I'm glad to see the three of you here." Dr. Mills sat back down. "I know this will greatly help Duo, Mr. Maxwell." He quickly corrected himself. He cleared his throat and thoughts. "I was just about to tell Mr. Yuy that I've come to the conclusion, thus far, that Mr. Maxwell's problems do not lie in his involvement in the war. He is comfortable with the fact that he was the pilot of gundam 02 and has accepted what he did and what took place during the war. What has been affecting him is his past."  
  
Trowa sat with his legs crossed and elbows on the chair's armrests. Silently he listened and with each word the doctor said he could only see the image of Duo's smiling face, because that was Duo to him. The world had changed so much in the past years. But why had he thought that nothing else would have changed? He just believed that he and the other pilots would be the same as the last time he saw them. Now he was facing the harsh truth that they weren't the same, they had all changed. Even his closest comrade, Quatre, was different. The physical change was the first shock he was forced to swallow, but then he realized the mind and heart had changed as well, and he was still chewing on that one.  
  
Heero sat with his arms folded across his chest and was thus far unimpressed with the doctor. He knew Duo's problems were from his past. That's where all of their problems lied.  
  
Quatre had his ankles crossed and his hands resting in his lap as he concentrated on not biting his lower lip, a nervous habit he couldn't get rid of. They would get Duo through this, they would do it. He promised himself that. "So why is he now being affected by his past?"  
  
"Because while he was fighting, all of his thoughts had to be focused on the then and now. There was no time to think of the past. The war acted as a depressant, pushing his thoughts back. Duo is suffering from post traumatic syndrome."  
  
He realized he had used his first name but it was too late to correct it. He inwardly cursed himself, not only for slipping up, but also because he was beginning to realize his relationship with his patient was threatening that line he was trained to stay at least a mile away from. He was now inching up against that fine line. 


	7. CHAPTER SIX

I hope you all had wonderful holidays! I saw Peter Pan! (Yeah, definitely have been a huge fan of J.M. Barrie, author of Peter Pan, for a long time) As darktigeress suggested, I made this chapter long, well, compared to my previous chapters. I have no idea when I will post the next chapter, but it will be as soon as possible. Thanks soo much for the wonderful reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing  
  
CHAPTER SIX  
  
The three sat in Dr. Mills' office alone. The doctor had been called out of the room and it seemed like he had taken all of their vocal chords with him. Heero was unfazed by the thick silence that threatened to drown them all. Communication had not been kept up between the now young men and Heero was able to sense the guilt slowly trickling out of Quatre and Trowa like the first drops of blood breaking through a new cut.  
  
Heero sat without guilt. Even when they had been fighting side by side, communication had never been a part of him. It had been up to the others to deal with that part of their strange relationship, but they had failed to do so, all except for Duo that is. Duo had kept in touch with him. Heero almost let a smile escape as he thought back to the annoying friend, yes friend, pestering him daily.  
  
Heero had tried to fight it, the idea of Duo being his friend. He was able to ignore the thought of it during the wars, but now there were no excuses, and it sickened him to think that he had been using excuses. Excuses were scapegoats, a retreat, something he despised. He had told himself that they were together so much only because of the missions, that after them they'd separate. That hadn't happened.  
  
No, Duo kept calling him. The calls turned into frequent visits. Eventually Heero found Duo sleeping in the spare bedroom nightly. He had always thought that Duo was there for him, to make sure that he was fine. But maybe in truth, Duo had been there more for himself.  
  
Dr. Mills' collection of literature caught Trowa's eye, and it also provided him a way to distance himself from the awkward situation. He gracefully rose from his chair and crossed to the other side of the room to scan the leather-bound books. He read the titles and approved of the doctor's taste as he also let his mind wander to other thoughts. He removed one of the books from its place.  
  
His mind, doing two things at once, scanned the crisp pages and inwardly frowned at the few with water stains on them, as he also thought about the others and himself. They certainly were use to sitting in silent rooms, but that was in-between battles. Now, they sat in a psychiatrist's office, something none of them knew about or felt comfortable doing. Maybe they were still inwardly waiting for the next battle.  
  
Quatre rose from his chair, trying to escape the guilt that clutched at his stomach. The guilt was like a thick sticky honey substance filling his hollow and empty gut. In the beginning he had kept in touch with all of them, making weekly calls. But work had gotten so hectic--he slightly shook his head at himself. No, he couldn't blame his failure to make a few simple phone calls to find out how his friends were on work. How could he have been so careless with the already unstable and uncertain relationship they shared? Now he feared that the shambles of their relationship couldn't be glued back together. He silently prayed that their friendship wouldn't be thrown out into the rubbish cans.  
  
Quatre remembered how Duo had been good in calling him, but the calls slowed down as he continuously forgot to call back. He cursed himself. Duo could have been reaching out to him, calling for help, and all he got was his secretary's high pitched voice telling him that Mr. Winner was unavailable.  
  
Well he was here now, and if it killed him, he would put things right. Perhaps Duo's situation was only the first thin layer of the onion. Quatre was sure that if you were to peal away more layers he would be found buried, as well as the others. Duo just brought light on all of their shadows and no matter how much they wanted to scurry away and hide, they had to face this.  
  
The scariest part of fighting the shadows wasn't just found in not being able to use your gundam against them, or that they were capable of slinking away and hiding in the most twisted realms of their minds. No, the scariest thing was that the shadows were themselves. They would be fighting themselves, and the battle could easily kill them.  
  
Quatre looked at Heero, who remained sitting, and Trowa, scanning Dr. Mills' collection of books. "I haven't been able to get a hold of Wufei." Trowa and Heero both looked at him as he broke through the barricade of silence. "It seems he's become a wanderer. He doesn't stay in one place long enough for me to contact him. I have people continuously tracking him, so I should get a hold of him soon." Quatre stopped and hoped that one of them would continue.  
  
"He had no place to return to. Not even rubbles. It only makes sense that he is searching for a place now." Trowa stopped and silently thought to himself. 'I wonder how it must be, not to have a place to bury your past in.'  
  
Quatre crossed his arms in front of his chest and added on to Trowa's statement, knowing Heero wouldn't. "Well, I'll get a hold of him soon."  
  
Trowa looked over at Heero. "You're awfully quiet, Heero."  
  
Heero looked to his side, to where Trowa was standing. "I have nothing to say." Trowa shoved the book he had been holding back amongst the others with force.  
  
"Cut the shit Heero. It's been two years, don't act like you haven't changed. Stop hiding behind the silence. We're not enemies, we never were!"  
  
"Don't act like you have changed. I bet I can tell you everything you've been doing these past years. People's masks might change, but they're always the same underneath. Don't stand there and tell me that you and I have changed, because we haven't. As much as you may want to deny it, the fact is that you're still a soldier, and that will never change. You can't change the past, it's a part of you."  
  
"I still control my future though! I don't have to relive the past. I can move on from it, and it's time that you do as well."  
  
"You're on a track Trowa. No matter how far you go, eventually you're going to end up right back at the beginning. You can't escape it."  
  
Trowa took a step toward Heero, who rose from his seat. Quatre quickly stepped in-between them. "Enough, we don't need this now." The two stared at one another. "I'll admit there are a lot of things that need to be said and worked out between us, but not now. We are here for Duo, so let's deal with that first."  
  
Dr. Mills opened the door and when he saw the situation he almost apologized for barging in, but then remembered he was entering his own office. The tension that had been present before he left now violently lashed out at him like a lion tamer's whip. Dr. Mills certainly was not a lion tamer, and the lions before him were riled up and bearing their fangs and claws.  
  
Trowa, the tallest of the three, stood with his arms crossed and staring down Heero, who had his hands balled into fists and resting at his sides, his eyes glaring right back. Quatre, standing between the two, was the only one to look at Dr. Mills as he entered what seemed to be their territory.  
  
Quatre gave him a weak smile. There was no point in hiding the fight. It was as blatant as a hurricane. The storm clouds had brewed and were about to open and release bolts of lightning, but fortunately for Quatre, the storm was forced to withdraw, but he knew it wouldn't be forever. "Hello Dr. Mills." Quatre was about to walk towards him but decided it was best for all of them if he remained where he was, at least until Heero and Trowa backed down some more.  
  
Dr. Mills smiled at the young man and walked around him and the other two to his desk, positioning himself safely behind it. If bad became worse, he could always duck underneath it, he half jokingly thought. He wouldn't speak until the lions finished their silent threats and eased off. Finally, at the same exact moment, the two turned their eyes away from one another. Heero took his seat again and Trowa took a few steps back and leaned up against the small portion of wall that separated the rows of books.  
  
Quatre's shoulders loosened and he turned to face Dr. Mills. " I hope everything is fine?" Dr. Mills sat down in his chair and had to think about what he was being asked.  
  
"Oh, yes. I was just called out for a minor problem."  
  
Quatre nodded his head and was about to bite his lower lip but caught himself. "Is it possible for us to visit Duo?"  
  
"Yes, it is, but I think it will have to wait until some other time." All three turned their eyes on him. Dr. Mills sighed. "The tension in this room is obvious, and that won't have any positive effects on Mr. Maxwell. If the three of you are able to calm down," he paused, realizing what he was saying only riled them up more, "then you may see him." His eyes followed Heero as he stood up and left the room. Quatre watched him leave as well, while Trowa stared at the floor.  
  
------------------------------  
  
Trowa had expected to see Duo leaning over one of the counters, blatantly flirting with a blushing nurse. That was the Duo he knew. When he and Quatre asked one of the nurses where they could find him, she smiled and pointed at a couch on the other side of the room. Trowa and Quatre looked at the large over stuffed couch that faced the opposite way of them, showing them only its back.  
  
When quietly reaching it, they peered over it, wanting to make sure it was Duo. Both felt their stomachs drop as they saw him lying there. He laid sunken into the cushions while the sun that streamed in from one of the large windows danced over his pale complexion. He had his hands behind his head, a familiar position to them both. But the only other familiar thing about him was his long braid of hair that was hanging over the side of the couch. His usual attire was replaced with plaid pajama pants and a dark navy blue long sleeved shirt.  
  
A man ran by them, screaming and laughing. It was a hollow laugh, one without feeling. It was the kind that sent chills down your back because you were waiting for something terrible to follow the laugh's echo.  
  
Duo opened one of his eyes to see who was looming over him. He lightly smiled and opened his other eye, seeing Trowa and Quatre looking down at him, like looking at an abandoned puppy in a cardboard box. "Hey fellas!" He sat up and flashed them his smile, knowing it would help them more than himself.  
  
In all truth, Duo would rather them not be there. It was like he was sitting there naked. Everything was out in the open and he couldn't hide. There was nothing he could do except ironically, make them feel comfortable, while he suffered.  
  
"Hi Duo." Quatre walked around the couch and sat down on it, leaving enough room between them so that he could easily face and speak with Duo. Trowa walked around the couch and sat in a tall chair across from it.  
  
"Hello Duo."  
  
"Hey Trowa. What, no box of chocolates or a giant 'Get Well Soon' balloon?" Duo pouted out his lower lip as Trowa smiled at him.  
  
"Sorry, I couldn't resist the chocolates, and the balloon, well, I never really was much of a balloon person."  
  
"So you ate my chocolates, and didn't get me a balloon. That hurts Tro." Duo lightly patted his chest. "The pain is great." Quatre and Trowa laughed, breaking the odd barrier that sat between them and Duo. Duo smiled then glanced around the room. "Where's Heero?"  
  
"He had--" Quatre was tired of lies. They overwhelmed his life like a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle. Each lie was a piece of the gigantic and unclear image that one had to sort through in order to see the whole picture. He was sick of sorting through the lies, and sick of adding to them. "He left. Trowa and I are supposed to be staying with him, so we'll see how he is when we get to your place."  
  
Duo nodded in response. Trowa's silence allowed him to guess what had caused Heero's departure. "Wufei?"  
  
"Can't get a hold of him."  
  
Duo toyed with the end of his braid. It was best that Wufei kept away. Reunions only brought people back to the past. They only made the future more difficult to reach. He himself was stuck in a whirlpool of dark water that constantly was dragging him under. Heero and the others wanted to throw him a life ring, but he knew that they would just end up falling overboard with him. 


	8. CHAPTER SEVEN

Hello! I'd like to thank everyone for all of the reviews. I'm really glad to see that there are some new readers! At the moment I think that updates are going to be either once or twice a month. I'm sorry for the long waits, but I don't want to post anything pathetic or short. Well, I hope you enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.  
  
"--get set---GO!" Duo pressed the button on the top of the joystick down while pushing it forward. The chair began to fly, hovering a foot above the floor. Duo glanced to the side of him to see that Yoji was right alongside of him, a smile covering his face completely. "I don't think so!" Duo pressed the joystick to the left slightly and softly bumped into Yoji who responded with a laugh. His laugh bubbled down deep inside of him and joyously spilled over, coated with innocence and fun.  
  
Dr. Mills walked down the hall and stopped when he saw them. Yoji, only ten years old and a patient for two years was suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome and confined to a hover chair. He watched as he and Duo raced against one another and didn't even attempt to figure out how Duo had gotten a hold of a hover chair. Yoji's smile pricked at his heart and he stored it away in his mind, knowing that it was a rarity to be seen. When he saw Duo he stopped breathing for a moment. He had seen the kid smile several times, but not like that. The other smiles weren't real. This was a true genuine one, and it shined.  
  
"Oh no! Losing control!" Duo moved away from Yoji's chair and began to push the joystick around in all directions, sending him thrashing back and forth and around in circles like a bumper car being hit from all sides at an amusement park.  
  
Yoji reached the designated finish line, the short end table with the stack of magazines on it, and raised his hands above his head, making up a victory dance as it came to him. Duo dropped his head down in his shame of defeat.  
  
"Not fair. My chair went berserk! Best two out of three!" He raised his head and gave Yoji a pitiful look, like a child asking his mother for a lollipop before dinner.  
  
"I'm sorry to end the races," Dr. Mills regretfully walked over to them, "but Yoji, your parents are here to see you." It was funny to watch Yoji's face as he tried to decide whether it should show disappointment or excitement. Duo decided to help him out.  
  
"Till tomorrow then, and I promise you this, you'll be so far behind me, my wind will blow you away." Yoji released another heartfelt laugh and Duo felt instantly envious.  
  
"They're waiting in your room." Yoji looked up at Dr. Mills.  
  
"Okay." He began to leave but turned around. "See ya tomorrow Duo! Prepare to meet your doom!" Wanting to make a grand leave he swirled his chair around and quickly flew forward like a car fleeing from an accident scene.  
  
Duo laughed lightly. "Punky kid." He glanced up at the Doc, still seated in the hover chair. "So why's he here?"  
  
Dr. Mills looked down at him and slid his hands into his front pockets of his dress pants; his thumbs still on the outside. "He's in here for good reasons."  
  
Duo slightly nodded his head. "What's with the chair? Can't he have corrective surgery?" It was a rarity to see anyone confined to a chair. Advances in technology and knowledge had changed several things. People still weren't sure if the good changes outweighed the bad ones yet.  
  
Dr. Mills watched as Yoji quickly made his way down the hall. "Can't. His parents are spending all of their money to send him here. Insurance can only cover so much. Besides, with Yoji's condition, we can't be sure how he would react to the procedure." He looked down at Duo who still watched Yoji with eyes of concern. When two adults ran over to him, covering him with hugs, kisses, and smiles, Duo had a look of curiosity painted vaguely on his face with his eyebrows slightly slanted in above watchful eyes.  
  
"I'm heading down to the café, would you care to join me?" Duo looked up at him, a bit surprised.  
  
"Can I take the chair?" A smirk came across his face.  
  
Dr. Mills smiled and lightly shook his head. "No chair."  
  
"Aww, you're no fun." Duo jumped out of the chair and it wobbled a bit. "You're like Heero at times."  
  
Surprised at the subtle comparison and, in all truth, a bit frightened by it, he asked him how so.  
  
Duo thought for a moment and shrugged his shoulders as if trying to shrug off the question itself. "Well, it's just little things. I suppose because you're the authority figure, what you say goes. That and he was always pestering me with a bunch of questions like an annoying fly, constantly buzzing in my ear no matter how many times I'd swat it away, so I guess that's the main reason you remind me of him." Duo smirked at him.  
  
"So Heero was the dominant figure?"  
  
"I guess, if that's what you want to label him as." Duo looked down the hall to where the stairs were. "The café huh?"  
  
------------------------------------  
  
Quatre knocked three times on the side door as a warning and then used the spare key Heero had given him earlier to get inside the house, well, his condo. Heero had chosen to stay in a condo to avoid a permanent place and having anything written in his name. Quatre pushed the door open and cautiously poked his head in and shouted for Heero.  
  
"Upstairs." Slightly relieved, Quatre entered with his two suitcases, followed by Trowa, who had a small duffel bag underneath his one arm and a backpack strapped on both of his shoulders.  
  
Right in front of the door was the stairs, the center of the home that created a separation between the rooms and lead to where Heero was. Curious, Quatre looked around. To the left of the stairs was the family room. It was spacious enough, fitting two loveseats, an end table, coffee table, desk, and a television. All of the furniture showed signs of wear, obviously belonging to the previous owners, but all-in-all in good condition; the loveseats looked like the kind you just sank into, making you automatically comfortable.  
  
To the right of the stairs was the joining kitchen and dinning room. Trowa passed Quatre, lightly brushing against him, and made his way upstairs. Quatre walked through the kitchen, everything neat and in order, and found that behind the stairs there was a half bathroom. Not wanting Heero to think that he was snooping around, he turned the corner and jogged up the stairs, taking two at a time.  
  
There were five doors upstairs. Quatre noted that the one directly in front of the stairs was the full bathroom. He saw to the left of him a small hall with three doors, and the one closest to the bathroom was open so that he could see Trowa standing in it and he went in.  
  
Trowa and Heero were in the room together. Quatre wasn't worried about leaving them alone. They knew how to handle their problems and they knew now was not the time. Of course nor was it in Dr. Mills' office, but that was a flare of tempers that could not be prevented. If anything were to happen between the two it would happen and Quatre would stand by with a first aid kit and do nothing more.  
  
"There are two spare bedrooms, the one across from here and the one next to mine." Heero stated, answering the question Trowa had asked before Quatre came into the room. Heero's room was simple, furnished with a twin size bed, a nightstand, desk, and dresser, leaving little walking space, but enough to move around. "You're welcome to whichever."  
  
"Thanks for letting us stay here Heero. It makes things a lot easier." Or does it?  
  
Heero shrugged his shoulders at Quatre. "I'll go see what there is to eat." He walked between the two and went downstairs, leaving them alone to settle into their rooms.  
  
Trowa picked up his duffel bag that he had placed on the end of Heero's bed, went across the short hall and glanced into the room. He came back and looked into the room next to Heero's. Quatre followed him and looked at the room with him and noted it was a little bigger than Heero's. Trowa tossed his bag on the bed, claiming his space.  
  
Quatre backed out of the room and noted the other door next to Trowa's current room, he opened it and found it to be a linen closet. He closed it and went back to the room Trowa had first looked at. It was obviously the master bedroom. It was rather large compared to the two other rooms, fitting a double bed, dresser, two night stands, a desk, and plenty of room in-between it all. He noticed that it also connected with the bathroom.  
  
Quatre released a sigh. He felt odd having the largest room; it was like they were treating him like royalty or something. Of course Heero would stay in his own room, the smallest of the three, which made sense. He was used to small spaces; it was natural and most comfortable for him. Trowa opted for the other room because he too was not use to large spaces, that and he was also the politest of all of the pilots. Quatre knew that they weren't purposely giving him the largest room, but nonetheless, he felt awkward.  
  
He went to grab his suitcases to begin unpacking them when he remembered they were still at the bottom of the stairs.  
  
----------------------------------  
  
"Just coffee?" Dr. Mills pulled his chair out and sat down while Duo did the same across from him.  
  
"I used to live off of it." Duo inhaled the soothing smell rising off of his mug in wisps that seemed to travel deep down inside of you, leaving you a bit dazed for a moment from the pure enjoyment of it. "Besides, I had a late breakfast and Yoji gave me a few of his jellybeans; at least I hope that's what they were." He said after a moment's hesitation.  
  
Dr. Mills released a light laugh that was muffled when he bit into his BLT sandwich, mayonnaise escaping at the corners of his mouth. He dabbed at them with his napkin. "Yoji's a great kid." He looked at Duo as he nodded in agreement while taking a sip from his mug. "His parents are understanding and easy to talk to, compared to others around here who see their children as broken and I'm the overpaid repair man." He sipped at his cola. "I'm going to be visiting Derek, my son, this weekend."  
  
Duo pulled the mug down from his face. "No sessions then?"  
  
"Sorry to disappoint you. I know how you have your heart set on them." He gave him a smile and took another bit. "He called, seemed to actually be missing his old man."  
  
"That or he needs money." Duo joked.  
  
"Could be both." He took another sip. "Did you know your father?" He kept his tone the same, easy and friendly.  
  
Duo shifted his legs underneath the small round table and took a sip of his coffee. "No. I'm not really sure if my mother even knew him." He leaned back into his chair. "Don't really remember much about her either though. She was killed early by the wars." He took a long sip. "All I really remember about her is a necklace she always wore and that she used to sing a lot."  
  
"What did she look like?"  
  
Duo scrunched his eyebrows together and thought, but not much came to him, and realizing that, he felt a sense of disappointment and loss. "It's a blurry image, like taking a picture at something while driving too quickly. I think she had long brown hair and an oval face" he paused in thought, "and dimples."  
  
Dr. Mills smiled. "She sounds lovely."  
  
Duo brought the mug to his mouth and thought, 'Yes, she was.' 


	9. CHAPTER EIGHT

Hello! As always, thank you very much for the reviews. I figure from now on I'll post at the beginning and middle of every month, that way you're not waiting in the dark (from personal experience, I know its not fun). Ummm, I guess that's about it. I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
  
Warnings: A few swearwords here and there.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing  
  
CHAPTER EIGHT  
  
"Yes Cathy."  
  
"Well how long?"  
  
"I don't know. Longer than I had thought."  
  
"What's going on Trowa?"  
  
Trowa sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest and phone resting between his shoulder and ear. "A lot of," he paused and shifted as Heero nodded at the cabinet he was blocking, needing to get a pot out of it. "there's problems that need to be dealt with. Nothin-"  
  
"You're fighting again!?" Catherine cut him off, getting ready to let the tears fall, before Trowa could reassure her that it was nothing like that.  
  
"No. We're dealing with----personal issues now."  
  
She thought for a moment, not sure if this response called for teardrops. She was glad to hear that he wasn't fighting again, but she wasn't sure that these 'personal issues' were any better, especially if the issues involved the other pilots. "Well, what kind of issues?"  
  
"Cathy, I have to help Heero with dinner. I'll call you in a day or two."  
  
"Trowa, don't you dare-"  
  
Trowa ended the connection and he and Heero exchanged glances. Shaking his head, warding off the frustration and headache threatening him, he moved to see where the plates were at, and Heero began to boil a pot of water.  
  
Quatre came down the stairs and saw that Heero and Trowa were fixing dinner. He grabbed his suitcases and placed them against the stairwell. They could wait to be unpacked. "What are you making Heero?"  
  
"Pasta." He moved to the refrigerator and removed a half-full jar of spaghetti sauce from it.  
  
"Sounds good." Pasta was easy and fast enough to make, if using store bought sauce, and it filled a lot of plates. Quatre grabbed three glasses out of the cupboard besides Heero, and placed them on the table next to the plates Trowa was setting. A sizzling sound filled the kitchen as Heero slid the noodles into the boiling pot.  
  
This would be their first meal together since the Eves War. Of course now the war was over and they were eating in Heero's home, rather than on the Peacemillion. But Quatre had a feeling that the same silence that had accompanied them back then would join them once again tonight, like a ghost coming back to its old haunting grounds.  
  
It was a bit funny, Quatre thought, he had imagined them together after the wars had ended, sharing meals and reminiscing. He saw them, like a hallmark commercial crowded around a table, laughing while friendly bickering was being passed amongst them. He had always been the dreamer of the group. He placed the fork down on top of the napkin Trowa had folded. No, he hadn't been the only dreamer; Duo had been one too. Quatre couldn't help but think that Duo had wanted the same hallmark commercial as he had.  
  
Heero placed the large bowl of pasta in the center of the table and Trowa placed the sauce beside it. Quatre pulled out the chair next to him and sat down, Heero and Trowa doing the same. "It looks great Heero." Heero offered a grunt in thanks as he dished some of the salad into his bowl.  
  
They silently passed the food around. 'Hallmark commercial, ha. Prisoners talked more than this in the mess hall.' Quatre thought as he asked for the sauce. A short sequence of beeps stopped him from grabbing the dish out of Trowa's hand. He pulled out his communicator, a small, thin, circular shaped object, about the size of a compact. He pushed a small button in the middle of it and a ray of light escaped it and a moment of static. The light formed into an image of a person.  
  
"Winner, you have explaining to do." The small image of an aged Wufei, his raven black hair still tightly pulled back, but with a few strands escaping his band and falling in front of his face, showing its length to be about mid-back now, stared Quatre down. His eyes were in slits, holding back the rage inside of him, but conveying it nonetheless. His vengeful eyes failed to hide the small lines that were forming below them. Smiling supposedly caused wrinkles, but Quatre highly doubted that that's where his came from. A smudge of dirt, possibly blood, was smeared across his left cheek and his clothes, a black classic kung fu suit with large white cuffs and fastens, revealed a skirmish had taken place between him and the men Quatre had tracking him. He stood with his arms crossed in front of his chest, waiting for an answer.  
  
"I'm sorry to have to track you down Wufei." No response. "There are some problems," he paused, "if it's at all possible, we'd like for you to come to colony 054."  
  
"What problems?" He asked, his tone soaked in irritation.  
  
"It's Duo, he needs our help. He tried to kill himself."  
  
"Weakling."  
  
In the past, Quatre would have let the low remark go, but not now. "Weakling!?" He shouted the word, causing Wufei's eyes to widen in surprise, and had Heero and Trowa staring at him. "How many times have you picked up that knife or gun? How many times have you knotted that noose in your mind?"  
  
Quatre sighed, his shoulders lowering as he gained control. "I never kept track." His voice was soft again. He was like a young boy who could only stay angry for short spans of time. His eyes fell to the floor briefly. "Wufei, you're needed here." He looked back at the projection of him. "You haven't found your place yet, maybe it's because you're looking in all of the wrong places. You need to be here just as much as all of us do. You can't keep doing this to yourself Wufei." He sighed once again. "The sins we often regret are the sins we never commit."*  
  
Wufei starred at the boy who had become a man in such a short amount of time. His words struck him like daggers. Quatre knew exactly what he had been doing these past years, punishing himself for the death of his colony.  
  
"What colony?"  
  
------------------------------  
  
Heero grabbed his towel and rubbed it over his face, then back and forth on his hair, sending droplets of water through the air. He briefly wiped the beads of water off of his arms and legs, then wrapped the towel around his waist and pushed open the shower curtain, it taking all of the warmth away with it. With a slight shiver that felt like a bug's tiny legs scurrying across his back, he stepped out of the tub and walked over to the sink. With the palm of his hand he rubbed the fog off of the large mirror, leaving a small circle, like a porthole on the side of a ship, so that he could see himself.  
  
He looked into the small portion of mirror and saw Duo behind him, lying in the bathtub with his one arm hanging over the side, blood coating it and creating a dark depthless pool on the tile floor below.  
  
Heero's eyes widened at the reflection and he spun around to face the tub. His feet slipped on the tile floor and he fell back. His hands reached out to grab onto the counter but he missed, resulting in his head smacking into the sink. He slid down to the floor, his back against the cupboard, as his vision began to slip in and out of darkness.  
  
"Duo?" Heero knocked on the bathroom door. Duo had been in there well over an hour, and Heero called out his name, only silence answered it. Becoming annoyed, Heero banged on the door, causing its hinges to tremble in fear. "Open the door!" Nothing.  
  
"Shit."  
  
Heero took a step back and with his left shoulder he rammed into the door and as the door flung open he flew forward onto the bathroom floor. He could feel himself lying in a puddle of water. He pushed himself up to his knees and found he wasn't lying in water, but blood. It covered his hands and legs, and its all too familiar smell, like rusted metal, caused his nostrils to flair. His mind jolted back to Duo.  
  
He looked to see Duo, unconscious in the tub with his wrists slit. "Duo!" Heero dove towards him, his knees slipping in the pool of blood. His mind immediately clicked into soldier mood, like a computer changing its software program, as he took hold of Duo's hands. He stayed in that mood until Duo was at the hospital and in the hands of the doctor, where there was nothing more for him to do.  
  
Heero grabbed the back of his head and hissed as he touched the tender bump forming. He slowly opened his eyes, knowing he was still a bit out of it. The room drifted around him and then slowly began to escape from the blurs and take form. He carefully grabbed the counter behind him and eased himself up.  
  
He stood still, gazing at the mirror; slight traces of fog still covered it, revealing that he hadn't been unconscious long. He looked at the reflection of the empty tub and shook his head.  
  
-------------------------------  
  
The door complained about being interrupted from its duty, by releasing a click and a slight moan. Heero slid into the room and found a chair to sit on. He was like a sleek cat, silent, watchful, and went unnoticed. He waited a moment, partly as a test, and the other reason, because he wasn't sure what to do.  
  
It was like hearing an alarm clock go off while asleep. The sound rushes into your mind and dreams like a title wave. It knocks you down and drags you under for one last glance at your dream, then flings you on shore, wide awake. The alarm Duo was hearing was a warning that someone was watching him.  
  
He grabbed his covers and flung them up into the air as a decoy, as he rolled off of the bed and quickly made his way into the shadows. His fingers yearned to be wrapped around a gun or knife. His mind raced through ideas, like thumbing through the pages of a book, trying to think of anything he could use as a weapon.  
  
Heero didn't try to stop the grin slowly coming across his face. Well, Heero thought to himself, Duo passed the test; his reflexes were still in tune. He thought about torturing him a little while longer, but decided it was best not to. He didn't want to end up being attacked. From experience he knew what it was like, being tapped in the darkness while the shark circled around you. You find whatever means there are to strike first, and to strike hard.  
  
"Duo."  
  
Duo's mind stopped, like pulling the lever of a train and forcing it's reeling wheels to come to a jarring halt. 'What the hell? That was Heero's voice, right?'  
  
"It's me." Heero stood up from the chair and waited for Duo to come out of the shadows.  
  
Duo wiped the beads of sweat off of his forehead with the back of his hand then walked over to Heero. "You prick!" He lightly shouted with a smile gracing his face. He sat down on his bed and wasn't asking himself why Heero had broken in, but why hadn't he broken out? He pushed the discomforting thought aside and looked at Heero as he sat back down.  
  
"What's wrong?" Duo asked, knowing that Heero wasn't going to say anything.  
  
Heero glanced at Duo's bed and was glad to see there were no restraints. It had been an issue, one of several. Heero strongly objected to allowing them to restrain Duo and thankfully he had Quatre's money backing him up. He could understand why the restraints were wanted though. More than once he was forced to wake Duo up while they lived together. But he couldn't allow them to do it; it was a matter of Duo's safety, not theirs.  
  
Duo patiently waited for Heero to answer. He bent down and picked up his blankets from off of the floor and plopped them next to him.  
  
"Why?" Heero didn't have to clarify what he was asking, Duo knew.  
  
Duo scratched the back of his head. "Do you want the fluffy answer that will make you feel better, or the truth?" He lightly joked, but the graveness in his voice wasn't completely masked.  
  
"Duo." Heero crossed his arms.  
  
"I know, I know." His hand fell from his head and landed in his lap. "I'm not sure if I know the answer yet, Heero." He looked at his friend, knowing that he would understand.  
  
"Bullshit. Answer the question."  
  
Duo released a surprised laugh. He pulled his legs up from over the side of the bed and crossed them underneath himself, sitting Indian style. "Okay, I can answer the question, I just don't know if I'm ready to yet."  
  
* "The sins we often regret are the sins we never commit. "  
  
--C. Constantinides 


	10. CHAPTER NINE

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Huge apologies for the extremely late update. Since I last posted a lot has happened. The major blows to the gut were my friend's father passing away and finding out that my uncle has cancer. But things are getting better so hopefully it won't be so long until I update next!  
  
Thanks a bunch for the reviews! I broke 30 (*spins in chair*)!  
  
Part of this chapter deals with Episode Zero, Trowa's story. If you haven't read it and want to, it's easy to find online. Let's see, anything else? Oh, Race Ulfson asked in a review which room was Duo's when he was living with Heero. I gave a brief answer in this chapter. That's about it. Thanks again for your patience!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
"Yes Addison. I know this is the second time I rescheduled them." Quatre almost allowed his irritation to be heard. He could feel it pricking at his throat like barbwire. Running his hand through his hair he tried to calm himself and briefly thought about how badly he needed to get it cut. Sitting up in his chair, he leaned into the communicator. When dealing with work, Quatre avoided all visual communication. It was hard enough controlling his voice; he didn't want to worry about his facial expressions and body motions as well. He was well aware that he would lose several supporters and business partners if they could see the looks he was secretly sending them.  
  
"Wait, don't reschedule it. Have Kingston attend the meeting. She knows the information well. Have her call me at---" he closed his eyes, blocking everything out as he tried to think, "eight o'clock tomorrow morning to go over the configurations." He reopened his eyes and began to slowly rock back and forth in his chair. He was as restless as a child waiting for school to end so he could run free. But he knew he wouldn't be able to run far. The tether work had tied around his neck would yank him back as soon as he got around the block.  
  
"As for the CAP's meeting on Wednesday, I'll speak with them via satellite." The Colonist's Agency of Preservation had been a thorn in his side for years, with constant protests and petitions being sent to him about the preservation of dilapidated colonies that, according to them, needed to be preserved for historical reasons. Quatre was sure as hell ready to yank the thorn out, and he didn't care if it bleed or not.  
  
"What about the SPS?"  
  
Nearly swearing, he bit down on his lower lip. He had completely forgotten about it and envisioned himself banging his head against the desk. Instead of doing that his mind quickly ran through options and dates. "Have the time changed to 9:30 on Friday morning. I'll be able to come in then. Could you please arrange a flight for me Addison?" He raised his hand and held his head, debating if smacking it on the desk would make it feel any different.  
  
"Yes Mr. Winner."  
  
"And make sure that the message of time change is delivered in person."  
  
"Yes Mr. Winner. Is that all?"  
  
"Yes Addison."  
  
"Mr. Winner?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Don't stretch yourself too thin."  
  
Quatre smiled. "Thanks." He ended the transmission and stretched his legs out from underneath the desk that he was now very thankful for. He glanced at his wristwatch, eight-thirty. Maybe Heero and Trowa wanted to figure out what was going on for breakfast. Getting up and arching his back, pleased at the few popping noises it made, he left his room and crossed the short distance between his and Heero's.  
  
Quatre saw that Heero's door was slightly opened. He pushed it open a little more and poked his head inside and found it empty. He must've gone running, he thought as he pulled the door back to where it was and went next-door to Trowa's room.  
  
He found the door shut so he lightly knocked on it and waited. When Trowa didn't answer he opened it a little and, to his surprise, found Trowa still asleep. Well, I suppose breakfast is up to me then.  
  
-------------------------  
  
He stared at the young blonde girl blocking his way and held his frustration in by clenching his fists. She held onto the locket she wore around her neck and her eyes fell down to the ground. "Enough so that," she slowly raised her head, each word was slowly stated and tears fought to fall, but she forced them back. "my father and brothers will have food on the table."  
  
Her words didn't touch him. They were empty echoes passing through him like unnoticed ghosts. His eyes narrowed at her hand grasping the locket. "That's a transmitter, isn't it? The Federation could hear every move we made."  
  
She stared into his hollow eyes and felt the furry growing inside of her like an untamed weed. "That's right!" She took a step closer to him and shoved her hand into his chest. "But you're still alive. You're the only one."  
  
Trowa stood still from her shove. He was so furious, so hurt, but why, why wasn't he able to tell her, or even show her what he was feeling? He grabbed the cross she had given him and yanked it off of his neck, causing the chain to break and Midii to flinch. He threw it onto the ground. "I'm alive, I'm alive because of that!" He spat the words out at her like venom.  
  
No, no, it wasn't supposed to be this way. She was losing the battle against the tears as a few escaped, and she could tell that she was losing the other battle as well. She wouldn't whip them away. She released her grasp on the locket and her hands fell to her sides. "It was a transmitter also."  
  
Trowa yanked his gun out and aimed it at her. He held it so steady that it frightened him. Midii---  
  
He sprung up in bed and felt the sweat trickling down his chest and back. Breathing heavily he ran his hands through his hair and gave it a yank, needing to feel something. Before he knew it, he could feel the vomit coming. It burned his throat and felt like spoiled milk, the lumps slowly coming up, accompanied by the repulsing odor. Quickly he yanked the twisted sheets off of himself and leaped at the small garbage can beside the door. He fell to his knees and his head hovered over the can. As he felt his throat spasm and contract his hands gripped the garbage can tighter and he took his last breath of the garbage starring back at him.  
  
---------------------------  
  
Quatre wandered the large hallways knowing that he would eventually find Duo. He could never be found in the same place twice. Every visit began with a game of hide and seek and Quatre had never been fond of the game. Unsure why, but the game had always frightened him as a small boy. He and his younger sisters would play it often, but he had never enjoyed it. He supposed it was because of the idea of being hunted down by someone, or being isolated, unable to find anyone.  
  
The feeling of being in his gundam alone in the endless dark, searching for his prey, or waiting to be attacked, fluttered in his mind, like remembering a distant dream briefly. He stopped walking and lightly shook his head, sending the memory into the past were it belonged.  
  
"Quatre." Quatre looked down the hall and saw Duo and a young boy in a hover chair making their way towards him. Duo waved and Quatre greeted them with a smile. "Hey Quat." Duo lightly patted him on the shoulder then looked down at the boy beside him. "Yoji, this is my friend Quatre."  
  
"Hello." Yoji brightly smiled up at him. Not sure why, Quatre felt a tinge of pain, like a small sliver piercing through the skin, before he said hello back to the boy.  
  
Duo placed his hand on the boy's head and ruffled his blonde hair. Yoji giggled and fought to remove his hand, and Duo placed his other on top of it. "Quatre and I are going to talk for a bit. Can I catch up with you later?"  
  
Quatre saw the slight trace of disappointment in his face. "Okay." He dragged the word out, making sure to make the point that it really wasn't okay.  
  
Duo smiled a bit. "Thanks buddy." He lightly patted him on the head then removed his hand, realizing he was treating Yoji like a puppy. "I'll see ya later."  
  
Yoji nodded his head and sent his chair forward, slowly making his way down the long hall.  
  
Duo lightly laughed as he watched the boy leave. After a moment Quatre turned to him. "What's he here for?"  
  
Duo looked at him and shrugged. "The doc didn't really say."  
  
Quatre was able to pick up on the slight traces of concern that showed in Duo's eyes. He only wished Duo would show the least bit of concern for himself.  
  
"So," Duo glanced over his shoulder, his braid swaying slightly with the movement, "wanna walk the grounds?"  
  
"That sounds nice." He fell in line with Duo as they walked towards the entrance to the grounds.  
  
"How's the living arrangements?" Duo smirked as he imagined the cozy situation.  
  
Quatre took the question seriously and released a sigh. "As best as one could hope I suppose."  
  
"You in my room?"  
  
Quatre glanced at him and nodded yes. "I'm not sure how long I'll be in there alone though." Duo's eyebrows scrunched in and Quatre saw the blatant confusion. "We finally got a hold of Wufei."  
  
The two waited to be cleared and the large glass doors slid open. Quatre childishly found himself a bit disappointed when they didn't make a swoosh sound, but when he entered into the colors, like walking into a rainbow, he forgot about it.  
  
It was like walking into the Garden of Eden. The grounds were spectacular. He had seen photos of it while doing his research, but being there and experiencing it was a completely different thing. So many things occurred in life because people didn't have experience or knowledge. The expansions into space had resulted in forgetting the past and not experiencing the new. Could the earth and space ever truly unite when they shared nothing?  
  
"Really? Didn't think you'd find Wu."  
  
"I was beginning to wonder myself." Quatre broke his mind away from the blinding colors and empty thoughts. "Actually, he should be here by tomorrow."  
  
Duo wasn't sure if he liked that or not. He didn't want their pity or sympathy. Such things never helped. Receiving them made you weak. If you needed to be coddled then you were a child. Duo raised his arm to scratch the back of his neck, causing his sleeve to slide down to his elbow. He never was pressed against a warm bosom and rocked gently away from fears, well, once, but that didn't mean it would help now.  
  
Quatre saw the thin straight line traveling from the bottom of his hand down his arm for about two inches. The scar was not a smooth pale line, but a rough one made of bumps. Such a mark could not be ignored and placed hidden in the back of ones' mind.  
  
Duo saw Quatre studying it and he lowered his arm, but left the sleeve pushed up, keeping the scar visible. "Ugly little sucker, huh?"  
  
Quatre looked up at Duo and gave him a small smile. "Yeah." Duo laughed out of surprise. He had expected him to shyly look away and make excuses and apologies for seeing it. Duo's laugh was as contagious as a yawn and Quatre fell victim to it.  
  
"You're going to have to buy me some bracelets for my birthday." Duo lightly slapped Quatre on the back as he began to gain control over himself.  
  
"I'll make sure that I do." The two sighed and Quatre eased his hands into his pockets then stopped and looked at Duo. "When is your birthday?" He asked, surprised he didn't know, or that he had never bothered to find out.  
  
Duo arched his eyebrows up. "Don't know." He said lightly. Quatre tried to pick up any waves of sadness or disappointment but found none. "I mean, I'm pretty sure of the year, but that's all."  
  
Quatre frowned a bit and finished sliding his hands into his pockets and looked up into the lighting system. He glanced at Duo after a moment, then at his arm. "I don't know Duo, I just," he made eye contact with him, and Duo looked back, waiting for him to finish, "didn't expect you to do that." He finished on a sigh.  
  
Duo shifted his weight on his feet and pointed behind Quatre. "You see that flower?" Duo pointed to what he knew was some sort of Dahlia. Quatre turned and looked at it. "Describe it to me."  
  
Not sure where this was headed, but wanting to find out, Quatre obliged him. "It's beautiful in it's own way. The petals are large and yellow with red in their center." He began by stating the obvious. "They curve up, as if reaching for something they'll never have." He took a step towards it. "It looks like the sun, and its petals are the rays of sunlight." Satisfied with his short description he looked back at Duo.  
  
"Okay," Duo crossed his arms in front of his chest, "now forget everything you've ever heard about that flower. Take away all of the poems, references, and descriptions of it that have been forced into your mind." He paused. "Now tell me about the flower."  
  
Quatre stared at Duo for a moment before he turned back to the flower. He studied it in silence, Duo's instructions repeating in his mind. The flower slowly seemed to change. He no longer saw the beauty of it, but the truth in it. "The petals remind me of daggers, harsh and sharp. They look like they just claimed another victim, and the person's blood has collected and gathered in the center. It's looks alone warn people to stay away. It looks like just touching it would hurt." Surprised at the new image of the flower that left him feeling like blinders had been removed, he jerked his head back towards Duo.  
  
Duo gave him a lopsided grin that didn't reflect his eyes as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "I always liked that flower." He turned and began to walk down the winding path, leaving Quatre to think. 


	11. CHAPTER TEN

Hi. Umm...sorry. That was way too long of a wait. I'll try to do better with updating.  
  
Warning: Swearing here and there.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing.  
  
CHAPTER TEN  
  
Heero shoved his hands into the deep pockets of his wool coat, an imaginary shield going up around him while he walked along the sidewalk. Window shoppers gazed into the tiny shops that lined the street and a few entered the stores filled with things that sparkled and caught the eye but did nothing more. He kept an even pace, weaving his way around the crowds like a deer making its way through trees, not once brushing someone.  
  
While passing one of the quaint little shops he released a small snort. Duo had dragged him in there, having seen something in the large window display, and had forced him to wait a good half hour while he spoke with the owner and bargained with him, something the owner obviously had never been open to doing. With a shake of the man's hand, Duo turned and gave Heero a big grin as he arched his eyebrows up and wriggled them.  
  
Heero shook his head as the owner came out with a large painting and Duo pressed his thumb onto a small silver pad, automatically charging him for the purchase. The painting, large strokes of yellow and red with square and uneven shaped faces outlined in black, was wrapped up in brown paper.  
  
When Duo approached him, Heero reprimanded him saying he should only pay in cash. Duo rolled his eyes. "Yes mom." He handed him the painting. He laughed at the look on his face, and then told him it was a gift and that there was no return policy.  
  
Heero passed the shop and left the memory when he heard flirtatious giggles being directed towards him. He sidestepped the girls and kept walking, able to feel their gaze on his ass. He looked up and noticed the swarm of people ahead of him, like bees gathering around their hive, and took a step off of the curb to cross the street to avoid being stung, but stopped as his ears picked up some of the conversations.  
  
He walked slowly towards them and as some heads moved he saw a large picture of Relena on a sign just outside the bookstore's entrance. She sat comfortably with her legs stretched out in front of her and her arms out behind her, acting as support beams, as they held her up.  
  
She wore a pair of jeans and a white short-sleeved shirt. She wasn't looking directly into the camera, but to the side, perhaps looking at the person who was making her laugh. Above the image was written 'Relena's Autobiography, Forever caught in her own Shadow.' That caused a small tug on the corner of Heero's mouth.  
  
He had last seen her about a year ago. It was an accidental meeting. She was off doing one of her speeches and he was doing an assignment for the Preventers during the brief time he worked with them. They only talked a short time, not because it was awkward, but because of the lack of anything to say to one another. It was as if running into an old high school friend. You greet them even though it feels like an inconvenience. You tell each other that you should get together, say your goodbyes, and then never see them again.  
  
That's how it was for all of them. The pilots and everyone else who had entered his life during those long wars had become nothing more than images of people in a dusty yearbook. But now he couldn't just walk away from the other pilots, they were staying in his house.  
  
"I'd love to fuck her. The ones that put the good girl front on are always wild in the sack." Heero's eyes narrowed a bit at the remark. The young man's friend laughed.  
  
"Yeah, I heard there was a video out on her. I'd love to see that." Heero quickened his pace and left the crowd and whatever else might have been there behind him.  
  
He began to notice people pulling out their umbrellas and grumbled. He pulled his coat tightly around himself and waited for the rain, inwardly cursing himself for not taking note of the weather system for the day.  
  
-----------------------  
  
"Cathy, I have—I haven't---no—don't you—Cathy. Cathy!" Trowa glared at the message 'disconnected' as it flickered above the small compact. He snapped it closed and held onto it tightly for a moment. Hearing the front door open he slowly placed it on the dresser and left his room to look down the stairway to see who it was.  
  
Heero ran his fingers through his hair and shook the droplets of water off of it and removed his coat that weighed an extra pound from the rain. Tossing it on one of the hooks that lined the wall beside the door, he began to go up the stairs, the thought of a shower running through his mind, and stopped when he saw Trowa. They stared at each other for a moment, like wolves establishing their dominance.  
  
"Quatre went to pick up Wufei about forty minutes ago. They'll be back soon." Trowa crossed his arms in front of his chest as he held the high ground and looked down at Heero.  
  
Heero said nothing and continued up the stairs and walked past him and into his room. Trowa followed and leaned against his doorframe. "We're all going to see Duo tomorrow."  
  
Nothing.  
  
"Damn it Heero." He stepped into the room. "You could show you cared a little."  
  
Heero crossed the room and opened a dresser drawer, continuing to get a change of clothes ready, completely ignoring Trowa, infuriating him.  
  
Trowa crossed the room and grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to turn and face him. Heero's eyes slanted in as he stared at him. "Don't give me that look Heero." Trowa said in a low growl.  
  
"Don't accuse me of not caring."  
  
"Then pull the fucking cork out of your ass and stop moping around the house because no one is throwing confetti in the air for your pity party."  
  
"At least I know and understand what I'm feeling." Heero saw the quick flash in Trowa's eyes before he felt the punch to the face.  
  
He watched as Heero's head snapped to the side. Shoving his hands into his pockets he turned to leave but stopped as he sensed Heero charging him from behind. He plowed into him, sending them both sprawling to the floor. Trowa clenched his teeth together as the impact jarred him like a gong being struck. He rolled over onto his back, Heero rolling with him. Before he was able to block he felt a blow to the gut.  
  
The air whooshed into his throat and he choked on it. Pain. Everywhere. Forcing himself to breath, he used his elbow as a club; slamming it into the arm Heero was holding him down with.  
  
Heero released him and rolled to the side. The two stood and silently eyed one another. They could almost hear the bell strike to sound round two as they charged, their arms locking, each fighting to overcome the other. Trowa could sense the competition coming out of the battle. Resentment and anger poured out of them. He shot his knee into Heero's gut as the two slammed up against a wall.  
  
Heero broke his one arm free and Trowa felt a crashing pain in his chin. He could feel himself being lifted and flung, smacking into the dresser. Two of the drawers shot out and fell to the floor and the two eyed them silently for a moment until Trowa pressed off of the dresser and began swinging at Heero. They left all tactical moves behind them as they blindly threw punches at one another.  
  
Both swayed, unstable as a man having his cane kicked out from underneath him, as their anger and energy drained and pain wrapped around them like a blanket of barbwire. Heero fought to flick his switch off and finally lowered his fists. Trowa followed his actions and a smile came across his face. He breathed in heavily then released a sigh.  
  
"That felt good."  
  
Heero snorted lightly and walked over to the edge of his bed where he fell more than sat down on it. Trowa found the floor comfortable and eased himself down.  
  
---------------------------  
  
"We're back." Quatre announced as he opened the door with Wufei following him inside. He turned and saw the two sitting opposite of one another at the kitchen table, each eating an assortment of food as their lunch. Heero's lip was bloodied and his left eye was a bit swollen with the harsh reality of pain surrounding it in dark shades of purple and yellow. He lowered his fork and looked at Wufei.  
  
Trowa sat with his arms resting on the table and his ankles crossed. The opposite eye of Heero's was bruised and swelling, making the two look like a perfect match for one another. He had another bruise under his chin and Quatre was sure that there were several more decorating his and Heero's bodies.  
  
Wufei didn't attempt to stop himself from grinning as he looked at the two, who silently looked back. He was pleasantly amused.  
  
"Come on Wufei." Quatre turned to the young man beside him. "We'll figure out the sleeping arrangements." He began up the stairs, saying nothing to Heero or Trowa.  
  
Wufei, still grinning, nodded his head at the two as his hello and both silently nodded back before he followed Quatre.  
  
---------------------------------------  
  
The silence of the night was broken as Quatre heard the phone whining. He pressed his pillow against his ears and after a moment he sighed and surrendered. Tossing the covers off of himself, he silently made his way out of the room, trying not to wake Trowa, who was now staying on a fold out cot in his room, while Wufei stayed in the room he had been using. He made his way downstairs to answer the phone, knowing that Heero wouldn't. He rubbed his eyes, trying to lift the gloss of sleep off of them and glanced at the clock, quarter to three, who the hell calls someone at quarter to three?  
  
"Hello?" Quatre pressed the button on the machine and tried to clear his scratchy voice.  
  
"Mr. Yuy?" A strained woman's voice came through the line.  
  
"No, no, this Raberba. Can I help you?"  
  
"Yes, is Mr. Yuy there?" Quatre ran his hand through his hair.  
  
"Umm, yes, hold on." He left the phone and jogged up the stairs. Knocking on Heero's door before he entered, he peered in, his eyes were already not use to the darkness, and he squinted.  
  
"What?" Heero was sitting up in his bed and he coolly looked at him.  
  
"Phone. I think it's important." He stepped aside as Heero quickly passed and the two jogged down the stairs, both in their boxers.  
  
"This is Yuy."  
  
"Oh thank goodness. Mr. Yuy, we need you down here right away. It's Mr. Maxwell." Quatre caught the phone as Heero tossed it and ran up the stairs. He began to ask the woman questions as Heero ran back down the stairs, a pair of sweat pants and a white t-shirt on, and out the door with his keys.  
  
----------------------------  
  
Duo lay in his bed. The dark surrounded him and the only sound in the room was his breathing. He began to breath harder and louder as he listened to himself and sweat began to form on his brow. It was too dark. Too quiet. His own breathing frightened him as it dragged him back into memories.  
  
It was just like the end of a battle. Everything was silent, deathly silent. Nothing but darkness surrounding him and the sound of his breathing echoing through his cockpit. The end of the battle was the worst part. That's when you had to debate if you were alive or not, and then decide if you were disappointed or not. The wake of darkness and silence that followed every battle, like death's cloak, scared him shitless. During that time he could feel the dead pressing against him, smothering him.  
  
"NO!" The scream ripped through him as if it were being yanked out of him with a pair of pliers, and he jumped out of his bed. He shut his eyes and paced back and forth; tugging at himself, trying to feel, feel anything. Opening his eyes he screamed as he saw them surrounding him. They were there, all around him. He wasn't seeing things. He wasn't, he wasn't! Their faces all focused on him and blankly stared into him.  
  
"Dr. Mills! Dr. Mills!" He shouted for him and pressed his hands to his face, trying to block them out.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
The nurse ran along side Heero as they rushed down the hall to Duo's room. "He's been going on like this for over two hours. We can't get into the room. He shouted a few times for Dr. Mills, but he's out of town."  
  
Heero looked into the small window on Duo's door and saw him running around the room, shouting and waving his arms frantically in the air. His hair had begun to come unraveled and strands of it stuck to his tear-streaked face. He had flung the mattress off of its frame and had managed to wreck the room that held so little furniture. Heero turned and looked at the nurse who bit her lower lip.  
  
"Open the door."  
  
"Charlie and Frank will follow in behind you." She looked back at two of the men behind them. Heero shook his head.  
  
"No."  
  
"But they hav—"  
  
"No." The nurse stared at him and opened her mouth to protest again but his glare stopped her. She handed him the key to unlock the door and he took it and entered the room, closing the door behind him. Duo didn't look at him. He continued to shout out names and curses, none of which Heero recognized. He silently approached him.  
  
When he was only three steps away from him, Duo turned and looked at him for the first time and Heero easily recognized the anguish on his face. He lunged at Heero, sending them both to the ground. Heero fought to grab his arms and hold them still as Duo struggled against him while continuously shouting 'no.'  
  
Heero finally got a hold of his arms and like a rag doll, harshly shook him. "Look at me Duo. Look at me!" Duo tried to pull away as he kept screaming 'no'. Heero began to shout the word with him. He screamed it, drowning Duo out, causing him to become silent. Duo raised his head and his eyes resembled an owl's; large and round with a rim of red circling them. Heero saw his reflection in them and slowly released his arms and lifted him up so they could rest on their knees. Duo placed his forehead against Heero's chest and his shoulders rose and fell.  
  
Quatre peered through Duo's window while Trowa and Wufei were outside paying the cab driver. He watched as Heero wrapped his arms around the boy and wondered if he would shatter. 


	12. CHAPTER ELEVEN

Geesh! I had to rewrite this chapter twice! Damn computer! Luckily I had a rough draft printed out. Anyway....a big thanks for all of the wonderful reviews!!! I got a good laugh out of some of them. Well, I don't think there needs to be any warnings for this chapter. Hope you enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, yadayadayada...  
  
CHAPTER ELEVEN  
  
Wufei woke with the ever-present pressure in his head. It constantly felt like he was holding his breath underwater for too long. The pressure made it feel like your eyes were going to shoot out of their sockets if you didn't quickly pop out of the water and fill your lungs. Wufei wished he could take a breath of air, but he knew that that wouldn't stop the smoldering force.  
  
He rolled to his side, the bed frame protesting with a creak, and reached for his bag that lay on the floor. His hand blindly rummaged through it until it took hold of a small smooth object the shape and size of a cigarette lighter. He pulled it out and brought it up to his face. He studied it for a moment; it was mostly black, except for the small clear cap that covered the tip of it. He yanked the cap off, revealing two small prongs. Straightening his one arm he pressed the prongs into the bend of his elbow.  
  
He pulled it away as the relief washed through him like a single breeze on a hot summer night and laid still for a few moments letting it slowly remove each brick from his mind. Carefully he opened one eye and placed the cap back on and sat up. Opening his other eye he threw his legs over the side of the bed, tossed the object in his bag and stood to stretch, waking his muscles.  
  
Why was he here? He pulled a pair of pants out from his bag and slid his one leg in. The choice not to come was given to him, but could he have taken it? He could have kept going, but where and for how long? Sliding his other leg in he stood and pulled the pants up to fasten them.  
  
No. He couldn't avoid this. After the war it felt like he had abandoned ship and was constantly swimming away from the boat. Always fighting the undertow. It was relentless; continuously pulling him below and now it finally dragged him back. It was futile, no matter how hard he fought it he would never escape.  
  
Escape. Escape what? He sat down on the floor and extended his legs to the sides and felt his muscles being comfortably tugged. Was he avoiding the others? His muscles relaxed. No, he didn't mind them, didn't he? They acted and thought in different ways than him, but that only caused annoyance and irritation at times. It was not enough for him to want to avoid them. Then why did he travel such a distance and put up a barbwire fence to block them and everyone out? He kept his legs spread and lowered himself between them, his stomach lying on the floor.  
  
He had shared several experiences with them. They were the only ones alive whom he might be able to relate to. There was the war. A pit grew in his stomach and it felt like he was on a roller coaster slowly easing its way up the hill and teetering over the edge. He sat up quickly. They fought beside him. It was the memories of the war he was trying to escape from and the others only brought them to the surface.  
  
Was he such a coward that he was running from memories and the others for being a window into them? He quickly stood and snarled at the thought. He closed his eyes and a flash of light, oranges and reds waltzing, exploded. His eyes shot back open and he blindly rammed his fist into the wall beside him. He left his hand there, the plaster crumbling around it, and waited until his shoulders slowed their heaving before he slowly dragged it out. He ignored the pain and the small droplets of blood forming around his knuckles, laughing at him, and grabbed his jacket and left.  
  
-------------------------------  
  
Dr. Mills entered the swimming pool room, his shoes clicking on the bare floor and the smell of chlorine punching him in the face. He scanned the room and nodded at the man who was always standing guard in the corner. A pool could be a very dangerous thing. His eyes shifted down into the water and he watched the form swimming, the only other person in the room. It had taken him a while to track Duo down.  
  
He became captivated as he watched him. His shoulders dominated the water. His hands forced it to break as he slid through it with as much grace and speed as any water born creature. He reached the end of the pool and mechanically turned and shot off of the wall with his feet, an underwater missile with no target, and speed back. He turned again, his pace never slacking.  
  
His hand gripped the side of the pool and his head popped out, the water splashing around him, trying to fight back. He looked surprised for a second and then he smiled, his mouth a half moon. He yanked the small sleek goggles off of his head and with both arms dragged himself up and out of the unnaturally blue water.  
  
The goggles left a small red ring around his eyes and Dr. Mills did a quick look over of the boy. His frame was well built. No hint of fat existing or ever existing for that matter. The water trickled over him and he noted the scars that decorated him, sure each held a story. His skin was pale from the lack of light and the short red swimming trunks he wore added to the sickliness of it. Duo turned to grab a towel off of the table behind him.  
  
"How do you fit all of your hair in that?" He pointed at the red swimming cap that was still latched onto his head. Duo laughed.  
  
"It takes patience and a lot of cussing." He yanked it off and tundrels of hair spilled all around him like a cloak. It was long dark curls and Dr. Mills fought back the urge to touch it. Duo quickly took hold of it and began to braid it. "The braid doesn't fit with the cap. It makes it bulge out in spots, making is seem like I have things growing out of the sides of my head."  
  
Dr. Mills nodded and crossed his arms, taking it all in. Duo continued to braid. "Do you enjoy swimming?"  
  
"No, not really. I mean, I don't dislike it, but...I don't necessarily care for it." He looked at Dr. Mills. "It's just something to do." Dr. Mills nodded, understanding how restless he must get.  
  
"Well, you're very good at it for someone who swims only to fill the time." Duo laughed lightly and finished with his braid.  
  
"There was a short time when you couldn't pay me to go near water." His words echoed off of the high ceiling.  
  
Dr. Mills took a step closer. "Traumatic experience?" He asked carefully.  
  
Duo laughed loudly, a burst like a popped balloon. "No." He continued to laugh lightly as Dr. Mills' shoulders sank. "Nothing like that. There was a mission. I had to reach a base and the only way I could do it was to swim. It took forever and that water was damn cold." He rubbed the droplets of water off of his legs with the towel. "I ended up having to spend a few hours trying to stay perfectly still to avoid being found, which is pretty hard to do. After that I kept my distance from large amounts of water. I had had my fill of it."  
  
He can talk about missions easily enough, but not about anything else. "Did you suffer from hypothermia?"  
  
"Huh?" Duo removed the towel from his face and continued to dry himself off by rubbing his arms.  
  
"Any hypothermia?"  
  
"Oh. Yeah." He laughed lightly and Dr. Mills thought it odd. "Not a fun experience." He finished up with the towel and tossed it into the basket that sat on the floor next to the table. He shrugged his shoulders. "Did you want anything?"  
  
Dr. Mills returned the shrug. "No, not really. Just checking up on you."  
  
"Have you ever heard of a lemming?" He looked at him, waited a beat and then continued. "There small rat-like creatures, long extinct. A myth developed about them. It was said that these things would commit suicide by running off of a cliff." He scratched the back of his head and tugged at his braid as he went on. "There's no truth in it, but people made this idea up and came to believe it and expected to see lemmings jumping into their graves. They would search for anything that could be used to prove it was true. Find a dead lemming by a boulder, he must have climbed up it and jumped off because there were no cliffs around to use."  
  
He released the end of his braid that he had twirled around his finger and looked directly at him. "I think I've become a lemming. People expect me to have dirt under my nails and sores on my hands from digging my grave. They constantly look for it and any little thing they find they twist around until it fits what they want to believe." He leaned in, bringing himself closer to him. "The graveyard shift isn't over yet, but I'm not a goddamn lemming." It was silent for a moment and he turned and walked into the changing room.  
  
Dr. Mills watched him go and then glanced behind him at the row of chairs lining the pool. Duo always ended their conversations by saying something that would intentionally leave him speechless and would turn on his heels and leave. Was it a defense mechanism? Whatever it was, he had grown used to it. He sat down on one of the chairs, swore and quickly shot up. He swatted at the back of his pants and glared at the small puddle on the chair. Grabbing a towel he wiped the water away with vengeance and sat back down, ignoring the muffled chuckles the man in the corner gave.  
  
Duo had proven to be a difficult person to work with. A difficult patient. Patient. He engraved the crucial word into his mind. Duo made him feel like he was in a maze. He was bound to make some wrong turns and decisions, but with patience and consideration he would reach the end goal, Duo. The outburst that had occurred made him realize two things. The first, Duo's condition was worse than he had thought, and secondly, he was reaching him. The fact that it had been his name that he called for made him want to puff his feathers out like a proud bird.  
  
Duo came out of the changing room and for the second time that day Dr. Mills had managed to surprise him. He pretended not to take note of him as he walked over to a large counter with a small red bag with his name written on the side of it slung over his shoulder. Water slowly dripped from the corners of it due to the wet swimming trunks and goggles it held. The silent man walked over to him and took the bag and placed it in a bin for washing, and then it would be placed back on the shelf besides the other patient's bags.  
  
Duo turned and looked at the doctor for the first time. He rose from the chair and walked over to him. "Care to take a walk?"  
  
Duo smiled, thought if he had the option to refuse or not, and then said sure. The two walked out of the room and left the annoying echoes behind them.  
  
Dr. Mills eased his hands into his pockets as they walked. "How'd you sleep last night?"  
  
A grin flickered in Duo's eyes. "On my back."  
  
What? Then a laugh escaped him. "Good one." He glanced over at him. "Seriously though, no," he thought for a word "images?"  
  
Duo sighed and smiled a haggard smile. "Nothing unusual."  
  
Never a direct answer, damn he was good. Fine, new subject. "Your," once again he debated the use of a word, "friends are planning a visit this evening. I'll be speaking with them."  
  
Duo glanced at him briefly. At least the guy kept all of his arms in clear sight, no knives hidden under the belt, and Duo was silently grateful for that. "And what's the topic of discussion?"  
  
They walked a little more before he answered. Duo was in one of his dark moods. He wasn't up to hiding behind smiles today. "Anything they want." Duo inwardly grimaced at the word anything. He hated being on display. That's what he was. Everyone could look in on him now that he was being forced to draw back the curtains that he used to hide behind.  
  
He remained silent and Dr. Mills began to feel his melancholy attitude. Depression was contagious. "I understand Mr. Chang will be joining them this time." He waited, nothing. "It seems that he's been out of the loop for a while."  
  
Duo's eyebrows arched up briefly. "Haven't we all?"  
  
"Well, not you and Heero. You spoke with Quatre on and off enough." Duo shook his head lightly, non-verbally telling him that he had no idea what he was talking about and never would.  
  
"You can be standing right beside someone without them ever really being there."  
  
Images of transparent ghosts brushed through Dr. Mills' mind like tiny cobwebs. He had been trying to piece together the relationships between Duo and the other young men, something that had proven to be more difficult than he had expected. A hundred piece puzzle with too many missing pieces to complete it.  
  
He looked at Duo through the corner of his eye. He walked with his hands shoved into the pockets of his black pants and looked like he was buried in his own thoughts and shouldn't be bothered. So they walked in silence.  
  
When they came to Duo's room Dr. Mills had to wonder who led who, or if either for that matter. Duo sat down on the edge of his bed and watched him. He wasn't going to strike up a conversation. He would leave that for the professional and if he couldn't that would be just fine with him.  
  
He took a step in from the doorway and silently looked at Duo as he stared back. "I'm here Duo." He paused. "When you're ready. I'm not here to judge, but to listen, and that's something new to you I think. Don't lock the door and loose the key." He turned and walked down the hall, not looking back at the boy whose eyes silently followed after him. 


	13. CHAPTER TWELVE

Umm... yeah. I'm really sorry for the overdue update, if there's anyone still reading this. I honestly do feel bad about it. The reviews are keeping me at it, so a big thanks for them! Unfortunately I can't say that the next update will be any faster than this one. I have a new job and I overloaded in classes this semester. So, I'll do my best to keep the story going. Thanks for your patience!

Warning: swearing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

As they silently shuffled into the room Dr. Mills thought of a chain gain. Slow careful steps and steal in their eyes. After Quatre formally introduced he and Wufei they each found their place in the room. He sat a bit uneasy. A coyote in a wolf's den. There was good reason to feel uncomfortable. It wasn't your typical group of people sitting around and mingling. Most likely never were or would be. He had to be sure to keep that in mind whenever they were present. It was his profession after all, dealing with the trouble minded. But there was no denying the admiration he held for these boys and those who didn't were damn fools. He began to tap his pen against his desk, a nervous gesture. Damn it, this was his office. He put the pen down and straightened his shoulders, his chest puffing out a bit.

Glancing at each individually for his greeting before he began to speak he noted the fading bruises on Yuy's and Barton's faces. Trouble in the den? But perhaps they had been de-clawed seeing as the two sat beside one another.

Heero coolly watched him. The quick gaze did not escape his eagle eyes. Dr. Mills held the stare for a moment before he broke free of it and took hold of his pen again. "Well, I suppose I'll brief you on Maxwell and my status with him. If there are any questions, feel free to ask them." He waited a moment and then continued. "I've been working with Maxwell for nearly four months. That may seem like a long amount of time, but in this sort of situation time is looked upon differently. Months are like days."

Heero's eyebrow rose slightly. Was he already making excuses?

"As of now I consider my relationship with Maxwell," he inwardly congratulated himself, he was doing well with his name. "progressing very smoothly. He has begun to trust me. That is a key factor. These past months have been entirely dedicated to developing trust between us. The only way that I will be able to help him is if he allows me, and he won't until he feels safe with me."

"Umm," Quatre apologetically spoke, "I don't mean to be pessimistic, but what if he doesn't open up to you. I mean, Duo doesn't have a problem talking to a complete stranger for hours as long as the subject isn't about himself. I don't know," his eyes fell to the floor, "I guess I'm just asking you not to expect Duo to open up. I've known him for years, yet I don't really know him at all." He glanced at Heero. "He was closest with you Heero. Maybe you can help somehow."

Heero remained silent for a moment, as if he hadn't heard Quatre. "Whatever Duo chooses to say to Dr. Mills is entirely up to him. I won't speak for him."

"Yes but," Quatre turned in his chair so his whole body faced him, "you could be helping him. Not Dr. Mills, but Duo."

Heero looked directly at Dr. Mills. "If he can't gain Duo's trust" his gaze shifted to Quatre "then he doesn't deserve any information about him."

Quatre silently turned back to face Dr. Mills. Trowa wiped the grin off of his face before anyone took note of it. "Please, continue doctor."

"Yes. At this moment I am not concerned that Duo, Maxwell, does not trust me. Right now I feel I have gained his confidence. Now it is only a matter of him embarking on it." He released his pen and slightly pushed away from his desk. "He has been through traumatic experiences and I have complete faith that I will be able to help him past them."

He has no clue. Heero watched him as he went on. From what little knowledge Duo had chosen to share with him, Heero was aware that it was going to be a lot more difficult than the doctor was anticipating. Duo came from a dark place and was stuck there now. Dr. Mills was going to have to have the strength and courage to go there himself to drag him out of it. Heero doubted if this man was ready for that.

Duo sat alone in the private visiting room. It was a cage no matter how well furnished and cozy they presented it. He'd seen his share of prisons. Small cement boxes to cells with goose feathered pillows and their own private bathroom. But as he found himself sitting in the stuffed leather chair, the scent of polish and dried flowers filling the air, he wondered if the cold slab of concrete and the pungent smell of waste was better.

Standing up he began to pace like a caged tiger, trying to settle the dizzying uneasiness. He had butterflies in his stomach. Hell, more like vultures. When the door opened he tried to fight back the sudden stab of panic that threatened him. An antelope trapped in mud near crocodiles. Quatre entered and Duo's eyes held his for a brief moment before they fell to the floor. He refused to allow shades of embarrassment show. He jammed his hands into his pockets.

The others flowed into the room like ghosts stepping out from the shadows and were forced into the bright florescent lights. They stood by the door and Duo turned his back on them.

Too much. This was too much to handle. The fact that it was frightened him. He could beat this. Hell, he'd take out a baseball bat to beat it if he had to. He heaved in an unsteady breath, readying himself before he dived into the deep end, and slowly turned back to the them. All of them.

They stood in a line in front of the closed door. Heero smirked as he stepped out of the firing squad and flopped himself down on one of the two leather chairs. Duo weakly smiled at him, a silent thanks. Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei followed Heero's lead and Trowa and Quatre sat on the long couch across from the two chairs.

Wufei stepped towards Duo and crossed his arms in front of his chest. The two eyed one another. Wufei was a lot taller and his hair longer. Like the others, his boyish features had left and his face was smooth with a strong jaw line and his eyes were still piercing, but there was something novel there. Was it laughter?

"Too lazy to shave?" Duo's eyes widened a bit and his hand raised to his face to rub his cheek and chin, stubbles rough and harsh greeted them. He dropped his hand and lightly laughed. He hadn't looked in a mirror in days and began to wonder what he looked like.

"I'm not allowed to have any sharp objects."

Wufei snorted. "Please, like that could stop you from doing what you want."

Duo smiled, easing himself into what he found a precarious situation. The ice was beginning to crack. Wufei's hand raised, something the Chinese boy had never done before, and Duo found himself taking hold of it. With one hard shake Wufei released it and turned to sit beside Quatre. Duo stood alone and eyed them all for a brief moment before he sat down in the only empty chair.

They sat in silence. Something they all needed. This was their first time all together in a couple of years and even in the past their gatherings had been silent ones. This was a huge leap backwards, but perhaps it was their first step forward since the war. Each found himself a bit shaken when they realized that maybe they missed the war. Well, not the war itself, but everything revolving around it. The camaraderie, the purpose, the fight, the hope. Each wondered where it had gone.

Trowa stretched his legs out in front of the couch. "Kathy hasn't called me in the past few days." The fact that it was Trowa starting up the conversation had everyone inwardly surprised. "I guess she's a little more than pissed off at me." He grinned a bit even though the thought of it caused a slight ache.

"Well, have you tried calling her?" Quatre inquired cheerfully. Trowa nodded his head yes. "Oh." Quatre looked down at his folded hands. "Well—"

"She'll come around." Wufei said off hand. Trowa looked at him for a moment.

"I suppose you're right." Duo's eyebrows arched up. Who were these guys? Trowa talking about personal things, heck, Trowa talking at all, and Wufei giving positive opinions. Perhaps things had changed more than he had thought.

As abruptly as the conversation began it came to a halt. They became ensnared in a net of silence. Duo grabbed the end of his braid, Heero closed his eyes, and the rest stared off into abstract thoughts. Quatre sighed as his hands folded in his lap.

"It seems we never did have much to talk about." He spoke as if he were painfully realizing the truth, even though he had known it all along. "I mean, there were war strategies, but those were empty conversations."

"No." Heero kept his eyes shut. "Those weren't just words exchanged. There was more there than I think," his eyes opened, "any of us were able to realize, or wanted to understand then."

"Such as?" Duo stopped tugging on his braid and watched Heero.

"Speak one word and hear hundreds. Say nothing and hear thousands." His eyes closed again.

Duo laughed. It was the same laugh they had heard in tight situations and the few relaxing ones. Even though it was unchanged, they were now aware of its hollowness. Wufei wasn't sure if he'd rather hear Duo truthful in tears, or deceitful in laughter.

"Heero, our very own Confucius." Duo grinned as Heero kept his eyes shut, but knew he was seeing everything. Duo glanced over at Quatre. Slight traces of bags were under his eyes, but within the eyes is where he was able to see the fatigue. "How's the business world going Quat?"

He asked lightly, but Quatre noted the concern. He shrugged his shoulders. "The worlds still spinning. Maybe a little too fast, but I'm still clinging on." He'd rather not speak of work. Thinking of it brought on headaches. "Are you still involved with the circus Trowa?"

"Not as much as I used to be. It's more like being a fill in when absolutely needed. I work behind the tents now. Getting equipment, testing it, other odds and end jobs." Sure he could still attract a large crowd, but for all of the wrong reasons.

"Sounds like you got smart and realized being a dart board wasn't good for your health."

"Only when Kathy is mad." Trowa tossed back at Duo and added a smile.

"I never did see you perform." Wufei's arms crossed in front of his chest. "I was there for a bit, but never saw a show." He pushed back the memories of he and Treize's first encounter. "I'm sure it was quite entertaining."

"I would hope so. If not, there would be no point in it." He looked at Heero and noted the closed eyes. Oh no you don't. You're going to be a part of these conversations. "Heero spent a long time at the circus. But he was unconscious for the majority of it."

Duo released a laugh and gained Heero's attention. "You always seem to be knocked out."

"Better than being taken prisoner all of the time." Duo's eyes widened a bit and he stuttered before he could make a comeback.

"Well at least, at least I don't pull out the detonator each time the situation gets a little sticky." He spoke without thought.

Heero's eyes flashed. The conversation had taken a turn. "No, you pull out a knife." He said it quietly, but all heard him. Duo jumped out of his chair and Wufei quickly stood and grabbed his shoulder. Heero remained seated and looked up at him. It was a low blow, but he only said it as a block for himself. Trowa and Quatre remained on the sofa and Quatre rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands. He knew it had been going too smoothly.

"Sit down Maxwell." He would have smiled at Wufei using his last name if it weren't for the rage he was feeling.

"Fuck that. Fuck this!" He moved for the door but Wufei tightened his grip and yanked him back like a dog on a leash. Wufei looked down at Heero.

"Apologize." He didn't command nor suggest it, but requested it.

"I don't want his damn apology."

"Doesn't matter. You'll accept it and return one." He released his grasp and his arms crossed his chest. He wasn't going to allow bullshit to get in the way.

Heero stood up and his eyes concentrated on Duo. "I take back what I said." Duo remained silent as he stared at him. He was still angry but Heero's eyes always had a calming affect on him. He sighed and rested his hands on his hips.

"Well hell Heero, I almost bloodied your nose." Heero cracked a slight smile.

"You'd be on the ground before you ever swung."

Duo laughed and fell back into his chair. "Maybe, but don't forget, I fight dirty."

With the tension once again lifted they all eased back into their seats. Every one of them was fragile. They took this knowledge in and decided to handle everything with as much care as possible. But that wasn't going to come easily to any of them. Walking on tiptoes was something none of them were used to doing.


End file.
